Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

SadHub,
I think it was in DivorceCare they said that it is actually more painful to have your spouse betray you than for your spouse to die. When your spouse dies, most of the time you have a loving relationship with her and you will mourn the loss but have closure. With infidelity, not only do you lose your love for the spouse, she is there to oppose you during the divorce and potentially get payments from you. Also, there is no closure if you have children, it just goes on forever.
So far, most of my days have been like your "angry days."

I have been on the sidelines a bit just posting to others to lend support as being on this board for about 5 months has taught me alot and I try to provide support too as others did for me.

This last post by CWOL just hit me square in the eyes today.

I have listened and heard many on this board that gave me advice & support early on that there probably is an EA or PA going on which sprung my STBX into action to push for a divorce.

I buried my head in the sand becuz she came from a family where she had been disgusted by her dad/brothers infidelity. She would never stoop this low I said in my head!

But for months I could not prove anything but had a huge suspicion that there was enough to say yes..she had a long distance affair of some sort whether physical or not. It sooon didn't matter as we were heading for divorce which may be close to at least a temporary situation signed in the next few weeks. I have had to bite my tongue and suck it up regardless so we could live together until this gets done. So hard....suspect an affair, get treated like dirt, get threatened , stick up for yourself but only can to a point of being able to live in the same house....ugh....and to keep the smiley face for the daughter.

Well..today I got proof she at least has been in this PA for months at least from after she filed but I suspect before. She doesn't know I know but my first reaction was the same naseua I had when she told me she wanted a D.

Then the anger, resentment, hate....that I thought I had buried and moved on came back to the surface.

I was ready to text her as she is traveling (I suspect with him) but thought twice. What would this accomplish? And now? I need to at least wait until some ink is dry.

Anyone have experience dropping the "I know" bomb to someone who blames you for even probably getting into the affair ? I think most?

It doesn't hurt as much as I thought but just the outright lying makes me wonder who this person is? Was?

My D is young...just 7......and geez I can't tell her but this whole thing makes me look like such the bad guy the way my STBX spins things. Maybe at the right age I explain to her the truth in the future.

What a day.....