SadHub, I agree, you are much too hard on yourself! I hope you are able to take some of the wonderful advice you are offering the other posters. Your W is off the rails and just hurling spew at you! Try not to take it too personal! Yes, she is projecting and rewriting history; it's wrong and it's especially unsettling that the kids are caught in the crossfire. I just don't want you to take it all to heart, because her words are not a reflection of you! You are in control of the type of man you are and want to be. She is desperately trying to blame you so she does not have to look at her choices.

Phoebe, that was really nice to read. I have taken a lot from your post. There is a big emphasis in DB on detach. DETACH!!! It's in every thread. But to be human, is to have emotions and attachments, and detachment does take time. It takes even more time because we are so wounded and vulnerable. I cannot say that I ever fully detached from H and he was gone for about a year. I think that is where acting as if comes into play. It is going to take a long time to detach, so in the mean time, act as if. 1. they don't deserve to see your vulnerability, and 2. preserve your dignity because your confidence is already shattered.

So take care of YOU first. Act as if. detachment will come in time.
-Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela