In other news, different kind of day today. As mentioned a couple of posts ago, I sent a text to W saying that since I hadn't heard from her about me picking up the suitcases today, I was out and not sure if I would have time to come by. Said I could get them Thursday. She responded immediately that she could drop them off tomorrow. I didn't reply as I wasn't sure if I want her to do that yet. I was out doing some things, then went to the gym. I had 2 more texts from W while at the gym. One was a no need type about daycare on Wednesday, I will be at the daycare tomorrow and always ask how things are when its been a few days. The second was about kids schedule in 2 weeks and my proposals since I'm away with the kids next week. I'm going to be in the car with her for a couple of hours on Saturday, no doubt it could be discussed then.
Sorry, i digress. So today I have had an email and 3 texts from W all initiated by her. That's more than I had for the last 2-3 weeks combined.
As many have said, not going to make a big deal about or try and read into it. Just something different for a change.
Up and down day today. Lots of triggers of good times with family and W. Sometimes I wonder is it better staying in the home with all the triggers rather than moving out to sonewhere different. We hadn't really been in this house long enough to create major memories, it was so much work, strain and stress building it, yet I have so many feelings of being with W in the home we designed together.
I know I don't need my W, I know I can live on my own, I have made new friends and get out when the kids are with her. I do miss her though even though we have struggled so often. Our life has been a roller coaster of stresses and strains, heartache and fun. I knew we were struggling last year, I can see were I went wrong. Having been told I was too distant and not enough family time during the major construction phase of the house and working on it to get it to the point we could move in. I went too far the other way, put all my focus into being there for them all, did nothing for me and then got told I was suffocating her. Well she has all the space she wants now, I will keep moving forward with my life and improving myself. I didn't like what the exhaustion turned me into, it's time for me to recover myself. Maybe my ambition of building is a home was too great, too exhausting, too challenging but it is a beautiful home. I have accepted that I may not enjoy it for long as I can't afford it on my own but I will enjoy it while I can.
Next, I'm just looking forward to taking my kids on a great adventure next week. Off to the Middle East, an experience for my kids that doesn't come around much. Do have some sadness that W has chosen to miss this kind of opportunity but that is her decision. I won't let it spoil my experience with the kids.
I have had the same feelings as you express in your post. Looking back I see that I accepted many things as normal, but I was not really happy. Then I miss her, then I feel that I can survive and thrive on my own. I imagine these are normal feelings that we will continue to sort out. You are doing well to focus and bettering yourself. That will help the healing process, provide strength, and prepare us for the next stretch of our journey.
Have a blast with your kids. That will be a great chance to make new memories.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
So had a text from W the other day. I am taking the kids on holiday next week for the whole week, W is then asking me what my proposal for the week after was regarding the schedule. S7 is still off school but there is a daycare program that W had mentioned putting him in a couple of weeks ago. A couple of friends are telling me that W is looking for my guidance as usual but am a little concerned about being 'controlling' (This is something she has complained about)
I did answer that I didn't have a proposal as such because I didn't know what she wanted, said we could pick up the normal rotation or she could have them for the week, but left it in her court as to what she wanted.
Well the kids and I are packing up getting ready for our adventure to the Middle East tomorrow. Does feel strange not doing this with W but this her choice and direction for us. Will be weird in the car tomorrow with her as she takes us to the airport but I will be cheerful and pleasant, the better version of the old me, how can I not be anyway, I'm off on vacation... I won't try and mind read how this affects her cause I'm sure I won't have a clue.
Turns out that I have recently found out of 3 woman interested in me if my W follows the path of letting me go. They even know the problems and my faults and still can't believe my W is letting me go. Has been a nice confidence boost this week.
So drive to airport with W went fine, I didn't initiate any conversation other than ask about her father who has had some health problems. I do get some info from the family but asked her anyway, she talked a bit and did ask about my father who we are off to see. S7 was asking her to come with and that it would be better if she came, that we will all have a good time but she could make it better. I kept out of that conversation and eventually she tried to change the subject. Subject of summer holidays came up and I said how i would like to take the kids on another trip to see family so that they would meet cousins they haven't met yet. W did say that that was important, seems she can see that family is important but doesn't want to work on her own... The road continues..
I do think S7's conversation made it hard on her, harder than it may have been but I guess it depends on how deep she is still in her fog. Did notice that it took her awhile to drive away.
Anyways, looking forward to my adventure with the kids.
Sandi, I guess the questions I have might be best answered by you or ones out the other side. When my W first expressed attraction to this OM a year ago and almost began her affair, I didn't do a lot of things right in terms of DBing. I didn't find this site and we didn't get professional help until to late it seems. I had my own complete burnout going on and stupidly listened to W. I see now how she didn't do the work she needed to do either to get him out of her head and ended up deeper into this. Certainly blaming me, I had my faults too, I'm not making excuses or saying I'm not part of this. This time I'm doing the things you advice and working on my faults.
My question is did I blow my chance last year or did I just make it a lot harder?
