I wouldn't think of it as throwing yourself a pity party. Think of it as letting her experience life as a single person.
It seems to me you are already doing too much,
As it is now, she's going to experience the perks of singleness without the drawbacks. I can't see how that will go well for your M.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16