What should I be doing? (2)

[Coconut]

Here's the deal. You were suffering from diarrhea of the mouth. We were trying to get it stopped. When she is living in the same house with you, and you refuse to speak (hello, good-bye, pass the salt), it does make you appear kind of like a jerk, but I see how you may have misunderstood. We don't want you getting into a talk with her. That is when you are vulnerable and do not know when to stop.

I totally misunderstood direction, I saw her twice yesterday when my son was around and didn't speak to her directly either time, but that was it, just twice. And both times I was leaving because I had plans, I never ignored her while sitting around, just as I walked out the door.

She is using this as her leverage. She believes you will back down from talking with S16. The next time she pulls this, tell her, "Fine, if you are sure that's what you want. However, he will be told the truth. I am not going to lie to my son to cover your affair".

I think we are going to have to talk to him, should the affair be exposed? I think he may have heard us in the MBR, when I left he scurried away from the kitchen which is about 10 feet away from door. Also, should I talk to him alone if he approaches me when she's not there.

However, if she should approach you about wanting to save the M.........
She has not said anything about saving M.

If she tries to bring up a bunch of stuff from the past or blame you for things, you still listen. If she does not take responsibility for the A, and tries to blame something for it........and if she does not apologize to you.......wait till she is done

She throws blame at me constantly, I'm over that, I no longer accept sole responsibility, I take a lot of responsibility for M issues, but I take no responsibility in her starting affair or refusing to end it . She has not even apologized at all, nothing, nada, nilch.

As for taking a couple of weeks away..........I suppose it depends on your reason. Is it to avoid the emotional pressure you feel at home? Are you hoping she'll miss you...enough it will matter? Are you needing the space and time to think, study, and plan?

I was thinking all three Sandi, with her barely home, I felt the only way I'd really be missed was to be gone totally for a little while, although now I'm not sure if that is what I should do after our talk this morning, I'll look for guidance on that.

She may just take advantage of the time you are gone, or she may believe she's really messed up now, and that YOU may decide you don't want to be M to her anymore, after the way she has disrespected you. Now, most LBH'S are terrified that their WW will get that very idea. They don't realize (the LBH'S ) that this is exactly what the WW needs to wonder.

She's never home now, she can only do that because she knows I'll be there for S. So no, im not afraid of her taking advantage of the time im gone because she's doing it now anyway.

If you get time, I hope you will read my threads about WW's.

I did, they really opened my eyes, they where a big reason that I stopped grovel lying and feeling like I was gonna lose her if I wasn't nice to her, I believed every word you said, and they all fit her to a T.

Ok, she just text me and said "what exactly is it that you want me to do? I ended things with him, I gave you my passwords. I'm going to see your therapist, I agreed to speak with My cousin. I'm giving you your space & agreed to sleep in the spare bedroom. Not sure what else you want from me"

Ok, I didn't see that coming.. Of course she left out the part where she's had three 30 minute phone conversations with OM in the last 3 days... I'm gonna hold of responding for now because I don't wanna f up now, and I don't know how to respond.