Depressed to WW

[Scotch]

I gotta say I think I had my first "spiritual" intervention last night. When I was coming home from the store I took a different way than is the straight route. Just thought it was still nice out and I could keep my mind off everything while being out of the house for a few extra moments. I turned down a road and glanced up at the name of the road and it was "Scotch". I actually cracked a smile. And then to come home and have this urge in my gut to stop before the house and walk to the back like that, something I could have done before and never felt the need to, kind made me feel like someone wanted me to see what was going on. Maybe give me clarity on why moving out of this relationship isn't a bad thing...

So this was about 9pm or so at night. I came in, put the groceries away and went straight up to bed. I guess I should have said goodnight to her because either that or the guilt of what she was doing caused her to come up stairs after me. She came in the bedroom and I was getting into bed. She asked whats wrong and I said I don't want to talk about it right now, I'd like to process my feelings first. So for the next 2 hours or so she raged. Getting extremely angry at me trying to force it out. Not letting me sleep. Pulling the blankets off, grabbing the pillows, things like that. She even held me down at one point when she thought I was going to get up. She turned into a sweet person at one point asking "please tell me" very softly. I just kept repeating I need to process my feelings and don't want to talk at the moment. She went back to rage mode and started saying if I don't tell her now this will get ugly. I kept saying, I'm sorry you feel that way but I need time.

She brought up me needing to be honest with her and added she was being honest with me. (I guess honesty has a different definition these days).

She finally went to the door and said it again and added if I don't tell her right now she is calling a lawyer. I repeated myself one more time and she left.

I felt really sad watching her do this. Sad that she was losing control of herself. Sad that she was is still lying to me and doing things behind my back. It really made me see her in a new light.