What should I be doing? (2)

[sandi2]

Here's the deal. You were suffering from diarrhea of the mouth. We were trying to get it stopped. When she is living in the same house with you, and you refuse to speak (hello, good-bye, pass the salt), it does make you appear kind of like a jerk, but I see how you may have misunderstood. We don't want you getting into a talk with her. That is when you are vulnerable and do not know when to stop.

Ok, I just got trapped, she came into MBR and said that Son sees me ignoring her and he's going to start asking questions if I'm not at least courteous, I said I understand your concern but I need time.

She is using this as her leverage. She believes you will back down from talking with S16. The next time she pulls this, tell her, "Fine, if you are sure that's what you want. However, he will be told the truth. I am not going to lie to my son to cover your affair". Then no matter how she reacts, you remain calm and in control.

As for responding to everything she says, you don't. You use your best poker face. Listen to what she has to say. Everything does not require a verbal response. However, if she should approach you about wanting to save the M.........listen intently to what she has to say, before you jump into it. If she tries to bring up a bunch of stuff from the past or blame you for things, you still listen. If she does not take responsibility for the A, and tries to blame something for it........and if she does not apologize to you.......wait till she is done and then respond. "I cannot live in a M of three people. None of our problems can be resolved as long as the third person is involved in any way. If it continues, then I will make the appropriate steps to divorce". (This is not meant to be a threat. You are telling her what you cannot live with and what you will do if it continues. She has a choice).

As for taking a couple of weeks away..........I suppose it depends on your reason. Is it to avoid the emotional pressure you feel at home? Are you hoping she'll miss you...enough it will matter? Are you needing the space and time to think, study, and plan?

If you should take off, don't make up phony excuses. Be sure that you tell her you need some time and space to think. If she starts with the questions, don't get into a talk about it. Look at her with that Rhett Butler expression, and say, "It looks as if we both have decisions to make". Say no more. Ask her not to contact you unless it is very important. Of course, son can call at anytime.

You don't want to appear as a hurt little puppy going away to lick his wounds. Keep your poker face.

She may just take advantage of the time you are gone, or she may believe she's really messed up now, and that YOU may decide you don't want to be M to her anymore, after the way she has disrespected you. Now, most LBH'S are terrified that their WW will get that very idea. They don't realize (the LBH'S ) that this is exactly what the WW needs to wonder.

If you get time, I hope you will read my threads about WW's.