14 days of sheer hell - part 4

[DDJ]

SO my thread is turning into more of a blog, at least that's how i feel. I watched EAT, LOVE, PRAY tonight for the first time. I had always avoided it but for some reason it was on my on-demand service and i thought that i needed something for my soul.

For those that have not seen it before, please do. For those that saw it before BD, i suggest that you watch it again. It contains everything that we're experiencing now, but mainly seen from the WWs POV. There are LBSs, WASs and WHs. SPOILER ALERT - The movie is really about forgiveness, not for the WS, but for yourself. You cannot find peace until you forgive yourself for what you did wrong. There is no moving forward if you are stuck in the past.

I've been awake for the almost 2 hours thinking about this concept. No anxiety, but at peace with myself. I even think that i gave myself to God. Not in the usual Bible bashing way, but rather understanding that I am not in control of my own life, rather a higher power is.

I was also thinking about al-anon and insanely their office here is only 3km down the road. I'll be contacting them tomorrow and hope to partake in my first meeting this week. The 12 steps resound so closely to the principles that are preached by the vets here. I guess it is about letting go...

WE'RE ALL ADDICTED TO OUR WSs. Thats why we need to be in their face, in the MB with them. If someone is addicted to cocaine, and you take them out of that environment then they may start again once back with their bad friends when released.
However, imagine keeping them in that environment and forcing them to stop using cocaine on their own. Asking them to evaluate their lives, what they want, what they need and you will find the purpose of DBing.

OUR WSs ARE ALSO ADDICTED TO US. They need us to need them so that they can satisfy their waywardness. They need us to cry so that they can say "he wants me, he needs me, let me show him what he can't have." The minute we lose our addiction to them, they MAY just open their eyes and see the lighthouse. The willingness that Sandi speaks of is them losing their addiction too.

I am finding enlightenment and I hope that the rest of you can find it too.