WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[Vanilla]

Sadhub

These are the downs and ups!

Observe the trend.

Thank you for your care and concern for others here, know that this is part of becoming who you are. Already Sadhub is becoming a man only a fool would leave.

W is an ANGRY fool.

Big hugs

V

[SH_]

I really appreciate the vote of confidence and kind words V.

I have actually been doing pretty well the last few days. The mornings are a bit rough but I get up and get going and feel better by the time I get to work. I came down with something last night and am not feeling well today. I made it half the day, but now I am trying to get a quick nap before picking up my D's. I have d5 this weekend and I can't be sick now can I?

It will be an interesting weekend as d17 will be babysitting tonight till late and has several things tomorrow that will keep her busy. She is going to stay the night for Mother's Day and I am going to have d5 go over as well. A little alone time, so hopefully I feel better and then I can go out and do something fun/productive.

My L said he expects to receive D paperwork any moment based on his contact with her L. She is dragging her feet on signing the finance agreement. But one day at a time.

[Phoebe]

You are doing awesome, SadHub. Up and at 'em every morning - that's a pretty high bar sometimes, as we both well know.

Thank you so much for checking in on me and for all of your encouragement. It really means a lot to me. I'm having a pencil smile practice as I am typing! Makes me laugh.

I have to admit that I have been a total slacker for the last 2 days on the meditation challenge. In my crash mode, I just forgot about it. Tomorrow I'll be better. My therapist isn't going to be pleased - I'm slacking on the meditation AND on my positive behavior journal. Oops. I may have to do some retroactive journaling. I've been doing things, but not writing them down, and then I forget what I've done. Like I said before - if I don't write it down, it may or may not have actually happened. So scattered these days. The BAN group assures me it's totally normal. I guess that's a small consolation.

I'm sorry that you're not feeling well for the weekend. Doctor Phoebe is prescribing rest, plenty of time with your children, and some nice ginger ale for good measure. I associate ginger ale with being loved and cared for when I'm sick because my Mom always gave it to me. I stock it in my pantry in case someone gets sick on my watch. A few weeks ago, I was able to give some to my Mom when SHE was sick. It was nice to return the favor after all these years.

I hope that you have a good day tomorrow with your girls, and that you're feeling better PDQ. I'm also sending positive thoughts your Mom's way as she begins her treatment.

Sleep well, SadHub!

[1gr8dad]

Hope u have a good weekend guys!
D3 and I are sending positive thoughts and prayers your way SadHub.

[Phoebe]

Hey there SadHub! Just checking in with you on this lovely Saturday. I hope that you are feeling better and that you are having some lovely time with your daughters.

Meditation challenge is back on!!

[SH_]

Thank you 1gr8dad and d3 for the prayers and positive thoughts. They have been very helpful. I am feeling a little better and getting some time in with the girls. I slept pretty well except for having to get up every couple of hours for a bathroom run. Nighttime cold medicine does that to me, but right back to sleep I go.

Phoebe, yes the meditation challenge is on, and 2 times a day it is. I want to make it a daily routine, because I know it will help my mental state and get me to enjoy the moment, believe in my future and let the past stay in the past.

I am taking it easy today even though I have a million things I want to accomplish, but I want to get over this illness, get back on the health habits and I know that will aid in the mental healing.

I really am amazed at how calm I have been since the blow up by WAW this past Tuesday. I almost feel a little guilty that I am not missing her, or worried about her right now. I have noticed my moments of anxiety are more about my self confidence and accomplishing somethings that I want to. Not much about her or what she has done to the family as she stormed off.

D17 graduates in 2 weeks and I had been worrying about having to see WAW and her army of family as they all plan to roll into town. But I really am not worried about it, and I really don't care that they now have a different view of me based on all that WAW may have said in the past few months. Their circus, their monkeys.

I know who I am, I know who I aspire to be, I know what is in my heart. I know that I deserve someone that loves me, in spite of any shortcomings that I may have. I am not perfect and I know I made my mistakes in my MR, but I also know that I did not tally up everything that she ever did that may have offended me or hurt me. I loved her in spite of all of those things. I hope that she finds her peace, her dreams and anything else that she is seeking. I do not hate her for the pain she has caused me and my family. I may not really have had the opportunity to DB my sitch, but the aspects of Dbu g that will make me a better person for a better relationship is what I must focus on. God willing I will be able to enjoy a new relationship that can create a new family unit. This is the hope I have in my heart for when the time is right.

I will be fine, I will be better than fine, I will find happiness in a future relationship if it is meant to be. If not I will be a better person, man, and father regardless and will be a whole person that will find happiness in being who I am, serving others and in doing those things that bring joy and fulfillment to my life.

I may be in a cold medicine induced state right now, but I am calm, and believe the things I say, and will continue to tell myself, because if I can believe it, I can achieve it.

[Phoebe]

Please be careful when mixing cold medicine with SSRIs SadHub. (I'm just guessing that your AD meds are SSRIs, of course.) Cough medicine, dextromethorphan in particular, shouldn't be taken at the same time as SSRIs. I just looked this up recently, as I caught a cold after starting an SSRI, and for some reason decided I should check first before taking cough meds. Glad I did, because it can be a bad thing. Anyway, be sure to do your research when mixing meds.

Sorry, my inner medical person had to pipe up.

You sound like you are in a much better mindset since WAW blew her cork at you a few days ago. I was genuinely worried about you, and yet it seems like it might have been just what you needed to push you further along on your own journey. Maybe it ended the last bit of limbo. However you got here, SadHub, I am so glad to read this today.

I have to confess: I have yet to actually meditate once today. Does weeding count? I've always thought of it as a very Zen activity, and I did that for a couple hours this evening. I've just been busy.

Sleep well, and I hope that tomorrow you feel just as empowered as you do today.

[Phoebe]

Hey there SadHub. Just a drive-by to say hello and wish you a good day!

[BluWave]

Hi SadHub & Phoebe,

This is just a drive by hello! I am having a busy day, but wanted to say hi and that I was thinking of you guys.

S, where is the best place to get caught up on your sitch? It takes me soooo long to read all the threads.

I'll back back later.

Cheers,
-Blu

[SH_]

Thank you Blu for the check in and hello. It is always good to hear from you.

The best way to catch up on my switch would be read the first post in each of my threads. I try to recap a little.

Right now I am limbo as it relates to still no D filed even though she said it was weeks ago. Her L said my L should be receiving it last week. My L has not advised me that he did. The finance agreement that was drawn up over a month ago and had some revisions still has not been agreed to or signed by WAW, even though she tells me she needs the money ASAP.

She blew up last Tuesday on me when I asked the status of the agreement. Called me a liar, among other things and made a scene in the parking lot at the school where she works and I was picking up D5 from. I have been feeling strangely detached from her after the initial shock of the incident. Now I feel mostly annoyed at her for holding things up, for other small things like her taking over a FaceTime call I was having with D5, Her never answering when I call d5, and calling back at her convenience, when agreeing to have d5 spend Mother's Day with her on my weekend with d5, she made a big deal about having her stay all night even though that was not the arrangement , her inability to have an adult conversation with her d17, and, well the list could go on, but I don't really want to waste energy or time being annoyed by her anymore. It just all seems a waste of energy.

I am still struggling with sleep, and my body is out of sorts I am sure due to the mental stress, but my goal is to get my diet and execise back on track and hopefully that will bring the sleep and physical discomfort back in line.
I have been feeling more upbeat, but the limbo of the finances and awaiting the D to be served is a bit of a challenge.

So I focus on PMA, my baby girls, and setting a plan in motion for a brighter future. I will survive the roller coaster, I will be fine, I will be better for this,and I will be the best father 2 little girls can have. It will just look different than I had ever imagined.