On to Part V.

[TLEE86]

So it's been a long time..about 8-9 months since I've posted anything on here and I'm not sure why I decided to today. Not a whole lot has happened and I guess that's why I stopped.

Quick summary of the last few months...

- Bought a bunch of new furniture for the house and a couple new guns
- Started traveling and going to Colorado during my offtime- i love that state
- 2 months ago, WW attempted to file for D, but could not go through with it and didn't do it. (She showed up to the courthouse, went to the desk and then ran back to her car when they asked her if she wanted to file).
- I started dating, went on 5-6 dates but none of them really panned out- I was one foot in, one foot out on all of them. Though I will say that all but one of them seemed to really enjoy our time together and even with that one, went out on 3 dates. So my confidence went up =)
- WW and I didn't talk a whole lot during that time
- 3 weeks ago, WW texts me on a Thursday and asks me if I was going to be home that same weekend because she bought herself a 600$ ticket from TN to come see me in TX. I ask her why she's coming here and she says "to see if there is still a spark there or not." Apparently there was because we had a great time together- as great as can be given the situation
- 2 weeks ago, WW texts me and says she's going to file for D because "OM really wants her to."
- For the second time, WW didn't do it and she says she doesn't know why
- WW and I rarely text or talk anymore.
- I am reverting back to calling and texting her for God knows why...I know I need to stop, and I am going to now, today, on Mother's Day.

I guess I'm wondering at what point do you give up hope. I realize my marriage is dead and has been for 18months now...almost 19..and there was a point a few months ago where I made a deliberate effort to move on and try and date other women. But I haven't asked WW to file, she seems to have a difficult time filing, but we don't even talk. I have no idea why I started calling or texting her the past couple weeks.

Well I do know why, because she bought herself a ticket, came here and we had a great time together (no we didnt sleep together or share a bed). And that got my emotions all confused again. And now I'm just ready to either be divorced officially or work on things- i guess needing some kind of closure, though i hate that word. And yes, i know that i probably will never get that closure, at least from her. So why the heck am I still holding on...my marriage is over, done, we're nothing. Im ready to start my life with someone and be happy again. So why am I still holding on...

What I know I have to do...is stop calling her and texting her and I will starting now. I was pretty good about that for a few months and maybe that's what spurred her to come here all of a sudden but it's not helping. It goes against everything DB or any book for that matter says. Besides that...I guess maybe just continue to try and move on. It's just days like today that are pretty rough, bad enough to come out of hiding on this forum after 9 months...