I think for me personally I would be looking for someone in a similar stage of life. Not casual but not serious either, someone that isn't running around dating everyone, but also isn't trying to move in with me and my kiddos. Someone that understands bagage and responsibilities and isn't afraid of either and preferably has both. Someone that also needs to learn to trust again like myself.
Isn't the desire to fullfiill someone else's needs as well as your own kind of the whole idea? If you can mesh the schedules of separate lives when you are single it can be done post marriage with another in a similar situation.
In the future I may need to have another full time partner, but not right out of the gates.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Jjb, I like this topics about dating after D. My stance on this is somewhere between yours and Ralph.
I don't believe in and won't do casual sex, which I guess is a big turn off for would-be jerks. But I want to dip my toes in the water, to see what is out there, and to just practise my rusty socialising skills.
Even if I find someone else, I don't think I will find him right away. So for me, dating is a process of self- discovery as well as sifting through the chaff.
I also believe that every R is a learning experience. So even 8f I don't end up with the next guy I get involved with, I think I am okay with that.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I think it's a good topic too. Though maybe I should not be on newcomers anymore. I don't really have a stance on this and certainly no judgement. I'm just thinking over what's in store. Now that divorce is becoming a reality I am getting nervous about a lot of things. And it hit me. No sex for an even longer time. And it's already been a long time.
To be honest, I'm a little frusturated to even be in this position at this point in my life. I know I have some time to figure it out. First the legal nightmare.
I'm staying in the friend zone... I can't really imagine having a stranger near me physically or emotionally for a long, long time. I think that until the D is final, I wouldn't even consider it an option.
I'm only focusing on myself - processing what's happening, working through my emotions, new job, hobbies, and spending time with my son before he finds himself a girlfriend (he fulfills a lot of my needs for company and emotional support - we enjoy many of the same interests, and also share a sense of humor, so we laugh a lot).
It probably helps that I'm nearing my mid-50's.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Even if I find someone else, I don't think I will find him right away. So for me, dating is a process of self- discovery as well as sifting through the chaff.
I also believe that every R is a learning experience. So even 8f I don't end up with the next guy I get involved with, I think I am okay with that.
I understand what your saying. But then do you stay somewhat detached to avoid being hurt at another loss? I think it's going to be different for all of us. I'm probably going to reevaluate and see where I am after stretches of time post divorce. I think different ways different days and my moods are unpredictable right now.
After my first relationship which was abusive i waited a long time to date again. When I met my husband, I felt safe with him because he was the complete opposite of that abusive relationship. I assumed that because he was opposite of my ex, he would be faithful and committed. I was also very young, never went to counseling and just winged it without really exploring the concept of maarriage and relationships. so what if I do that again?
painter- I have heard that the bond between a single parent (whose child has limited contact with other parent) and their child is very strong. I love hearing about your bond with son! I hope for a relationship like that with mine too!
I am fantasizing about sex and companionship and future relationships and dating and I am procrastinating on attorney consults and potential mediators. now I have a consult with a mediator my husband selected tomorrow. It is just a consult. I do not need to use this mediator but still. I just looked up some questions to ask and I realize that it could be a process just finding a mediator. I can't afford to be a passive participant in this process.
What the hell is wrong with me? I just don't want to deal with reality.
I am not sleeping. And I cannot remember basic facts. I am running through them in my mind and cannot recall. And I mean basic basic facts, that I should have remembered for my job. If i had to take an exam i would fail! I can get by because the clinical, hands on skills are there, but the inability to recall words is scary for me. I am also having trouble absorbing information. I reread and reread and it's just not computing. I have upcoming inservice on an easy topic and im struggling to stay focused. This is horrible.
That is a mixed up set of different ideas and conversations. From my dumb guy perspective you sound sexually and intimately starved. How would you relieve these if you were single and didn't have another person to satisfy? A romantic book, movie, self gratification? Sorry not trying to step over any politeness or ethical boundaries. Remember dumb guy here.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I can't really imagine having a stranger near me physically or emotionally for a long, long time. I think that until the D is final, I wouldn't even consider it an option. 