The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

This vacation with kids in Florida has been amazing. I simply don't have the time to come here.
Today was S9 10th birthday.
It came to me that 10 years ago my first son was coming to this world, that before that STBXW told me I was going to be a father on my birthday and that before that I had been so intimate with W that we became one and generated a son.
And today I didn't even talk to her, not even to congratulate her on the son she gave me.
Simply because se fired me as her husband.
How can such a canyon be built beteween two persons that once were one?

[Ripe]

Uau! Three weeks have gone by since my last post.
I had a fantastic, amazing time in Orlando. It was the kids and mine best holidays, ever.
Contacts with STBXW have been close to zero, only two minutes interactions while getting or dropping the kids.
Maybe that's the reason why I stopped posting, although I still come to the forums regularly to read the misfortunes of men and women who conducted their lives in imperfect ways but never stopped loving.
I feel more and more detached and about to drop the rope.
Even if I would not want to, life is pushing me to do it.
My end of mission is coming and I will soon be returning home.
STBXW, on the other hand, wants to stay in this land she has hatted for the last four years.
A dispute for the kids will soon start.
I hate it but need to face it.

[sandi2]

It is so good to hear you talking much more positive about your life. That vacation did a world of good for you!

[Ripe]

It is so good to hear you talking much more positive about your life. That vacation did a world of good for you!

I just posted on the gratitude thread that Divorcebusting forum is something that I am grateful for existing.
And you, Sandi, are one of the souls of DB.
Thank you.

[sandi2]

Oh, that is so sweet! Thank you for the encouragement.

[Ripe]

What a wonderful new world this is, full of misteries and novelties.
My kids don't have school this Monday, so we came to the seaside for the weekend.
Right now the boys and I are in the same hotel we usually come to and I am one room away from the hotel room where, eleven months ago, I made love to my STBXW for the first time after seventeen months. I had DB hard and we reconciled between May and June 2015. One month later she would tell me she wanted to D, without ever telling me why.
It hurts being here, but I am building new memories with my kids, memories for a life of three instead of four.
Anyway, Friday, before starting the trip, I passed by STBXW's flat. I found that she bought a Canon while I am a Nikonist. We are trully incompatible and this marriage could never be successful.

[SH_]

Ripe,

Reading your thread gives me strength that I will be okay at the other end of this journey.
It is good to hear how well you are doing and in spite of some hardship with the STBXW, you are taking it head on and with a great PMA.

Enjoy that time with your sons, and make some great memories that will last them a lifetime of their father.

Have a wonderful weekend Ripe.

[Ripe]

Thank you, Sadhub, for your kind words.
And yes, we are making new memories the three of us.
Today I can say was one of the top five days in my life!
Several important or satisfying things happened.
We went to a nudist beach which is usualy crowded, but we had the whole bay just for us.
It was a priceless morning in paradise!
And just after dinner we went to the beach and light a fire to warm us.
But something trully remarkable happened in the afternoon.
I started meditating last year, precisely in May. Now I am meditating 20-30 min every day. After reading a lot about mindfulness in adults I started finding references to the advantages od mindfulness for kids, so I have slowly been introducing my kids into meditation.
At around five we went to the hills and found a wonderful natural spot with a view to the sea and where only birds and the wind could be heard.
Usually I play body scan or sounds meditations for the kids but today I played a awareness of feelings meditation for kids. It tells the kids to feel and sense in their bodies a yukky (don't know how to write this in english) emotion. It also tells them to find a warm emotion and let them be invaded by it. To my surprise, S10 was crying when the meditation ended. I hugged him and tried to explore the matter but he did not want to. He knows, nevertheless, that he is free to come to me to talk about his feelings nd I told him so.
When things are going great it is easy to forget how much suffering kids of divorce endure, but deep inside them things are boiling.
It was a magical moment, a moment where I felt what is true love for this human being that happens to be my son.
Everything ended up with S7 dancing on top of a rock, surrounded by swallows and wild flowers.

[SH_]

This was truly a magical moment for you and your boys?
Hearing how present you were in the moment and how you recognize the power of the memories that you created for them is a wonderful thing. You are a great father and your boys will forever know this and cherish the love of their father.

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend and a great week coming up.

[Ripe]

Yesterday, Monday, the kids and I came home after the fabulous weekend.
On Mondays the kids stay with their mother, but because we were arriving a big late and they had school the next day (today) I told them maybe they could stay with me and that we should ask their mom. Plus, I had bought a Playstation game, so they obviously wanted to play it.
As soon as I crossed the border I called STBXW. S7 immediately told the mother they would sleep at my place. STBXW became upset and told me she was expecting them and should be consulted before such changes of routines. I agreed and told her S7 had assumed wrongly. Because STBXW was becoming more and more upset I cut her and told her to expect the kids shortly. I explained the kids they would be with me the following day and, besides S10 saying "separation [censored]" they understood.
I took them to their mother and talked to her outside of her door. I told her I would never take any decision concerning the kids without talking to her before.
To my surprise she was extremely angry and bitter.
She said incredible things like "Whether you want it or not I will always be their mother and even if you don't like it".
I never know how to react to such speeches and, besides trying to validate as best as I could, I did nothing.
Poor STBXW.
She lives by herself since October and one would expect for her to be already in a better place, but no.
And she has been like this since I told her we would not be friends after the divorce.