New Couple, Same Old Story 2

[J5K]

Ralph,

Does it really matter anymore if the OM was in the picture or not?

I was getting the same reactions from my WW. No OM in picture, she just wanted a vibrant lifestyle which I could not give her in Michigan on a single income with 5 boys. In an effort to get her back home to Toronto our lack of communication ended the M.

Guess my point is, there are so many different ways we can analyze the past, not sure it is worth it since we cannot change it.

[SH_]

Ralph88, it has helped me to make my own list of things to work on. When I was trying to use the list that WAW was providing me it only created confusion and even some disillusion as to our past together. Ultimately that is not helpful. I think that sometimes in a MR we try to become or act like the person our partner wants us to be whether consciously or subconsciously. And this is not healthy nor beneficial to the MR.

IMHO focus on what you know in your heart you need to work on. Maybe even get some feedback from a trusted person that is not emotionally attached to you if that helps. But focus on what you know and become the best that you can be.

Let the past stay there. Be present in the moment, and take actions that can help shape the future that you would want to enjoy.

I am here to support you, you have had a difficult journey, but the journey can still be a good one.

[Ralph88]

Of course. I was really just looking for some things to work on for myself that may have had some value from what she told me. I feel that I am looking for more things to work on than the obvious. I felt that I was a pretty good husband, but there has to be somethings that I needed to work on besides things that addressed her emotional immaturity and her self issues.

[DDJ]

Hey Ralph, I did not want to hijack the other thread. Why did you get the tattoo in the first place and what does it represent to you now?

[Ralph88]

It represented a love for a woman that would always be there for me. It was my way of showing others I was hers. A symbol much like a wedding ring. A vow and commitment for the love of my life. We did it together, and she wears my name in the same spot. Good questions. Made me think more about its presence.

[Ralph88]

I think the W has completely moved on and devoted herself to OM. There is no interactions and no phone calls or texts except when 100% needed with kids.

[cbtdad]

Sorry to hear that Ralph
How are you holding up?

[Ralph88]

I'm actually not to bad. Kind of saw it coming from the start. I mean I'll be fine. Still leaving the door cracked. She did upset me this weekend though. She left with OM all weekend, missed pretty important kid events and then didn't show to get her daughters for mothers day until 6pm. Crazy.

[J5K]

Sorry to hear that Ralph, I am right there with you, NC with W unless it is for kids and that is rare also.

[cbtdad]

Yep. Unfortunately sounds like complete fog as you know.
It s so crazy. They aren't even the same person during these times
I never forget my W was gone for 8 days at a horse show before I begged her to come see our 3 year old. The horse show was only an hour away.
But the OM was there at the show
It was crazy. I'll never forget the feeling I had at that point.
It's what finely let me let go.
Hang in there!