I guess I need to detach more to not let this stuff get to me.
It's almost 6 months since BD Some days I feel like I dodged a bullet. Some days I am fraught with jealousy. Some days I am excited about a new future and life. Some days I cannot accept the dysfunction of the dance we will be in for the rest of our lives while handing D3 back and forth. Some days I realize I may be better off without her - though it doesn't feel like that right now when the pain is felt piercing my heart again.
How do I get off this nightmare roller-coaster???
1gr8dad,
There is not an easy answer for getting off the coaster. But in my journey staying in the moment and focus on the hope, positives and our children has equalized the ups and downs.
Review your list in the quote, split it up. When the negative thoughts/ feelings invade your mind, look to the positive thoughts that you have written.
My D17 told me about a guest speaker she had in her psychology class on Friday. The speaker told them about a depressed time in his life due to a bizarre illness that made him lose all of his hair. He saw a therapist for help with the depression and was told to write down 5 positive things that he wanted and believed he could accomplish. He was told to pull it out each time the depressed or negative thoughts entered his mind.
He did so for one day, but went to the therapist and said it did not work. He pulled it out every other minute but did not feel better. His therapist told him to do it for a week straight and kicked him out of the office. A week later he returned and told his therapist, it was still not working. His therapist asked if he knew who Arnold Schwarzenegger was. He said that he did. The therapist asked him if he thought that Arnold could see muscles after his first week of working out. He replied that he did not think so. He asked how long before he may have seen results. The response was in a number of months, and then years to reach his full potential.
The point that I got from this, is that many of us are just starting our own exercises for our mental strength and it will take time. The more consistent that we are with our efforts, and the better the form that we do the exercises, the stronger we will become. But it will take time.
You are doing some great things. Believe in yourself. Control yourself. Accept that WW will do what she does, and you will catch some of the consequences from her actions, but you are in full control of your actions. God, the universe and karma always has a way of balancing things out. Keep on your path, learn from your mistakes, stay focused on what you can control, and take it one step at a time. And don't forget to hug, hug hug your d3. She will know your strength, and love. And you will gain huge bursts of strength and love from her unconditional love in return.
May you find peace this day and enjoy the moments of joy.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
