Thank you 1gr8dad and d3 for the prayers and positive thoughts. They have been very helpful. I am feeling a little better and getting some time in with the girls. I slept pretty well except for having to get up every couple of hours for a bathroom run. Nighttime cold medicine does that to me, but right back to sleep I go.
Phoebe, yes the meditation challenge is on, and 2 times a day it is. I want to make it a daily routine, because I know it will help my mental state and get me to enjoy the moment, believe in my future and let the past stay in the past.
I am taking it easy today even though I have a million things I want to accomplish, but I want to get over this illness, get back on the health habits and I know that will aid in the mental healing.
I really am amazed at how calm I have been since the blow up by WAW this past Tuesday. I almost feel a little guilty that I am not missing her, or worried about her right now. I have noticed my moments of anxiety are more about my self confidence and accomplishing somethings that I want to. Not much about her or what she has done to the family as she stormed off.
D17 graduates in 2 weeks and I had been worrying about having to see WAW and her army of family as they all plan to roll into town. But I really am not worried about it, and I really don't care that they now have a different view of me based on all that WAW may have said in the past few months. Their circus, their monkeys.
I know who I am, I know who I aspire to be, I know what is in my heart. I know that I deserve someone that loves me, in spite of any shortcomings that I may have. I am not perfect and I know I made my mistakes in my MR, but I also know that I did not tally up everything that she ever did that may have offended me or hurt me. I loved her in spite of all of those things. I hope that she finds her peace, her dreams and anything else that she is seeking. I do not hate her for the pain she has caused me and my family. I may not really have had the opportunity to DB my sitch, but the aspects of Dbu g that will make me a better person for a better relationship is what I must focus on. God willing I will be able to enjoy a new relationship that can create a new family unit. This is the hope I have in my heart for when the time is right.
I will be fine, I will be better than fine, I will find happiness in a future relationship if it is meant to be. If not I will be a better person, man, and father regardless and will be a whole person that will find happiness in being who I am, serving others and in doing those things that bring joy and fulfillment to my life.
I may be in a cold medicine induced state right now, but I am calm, and believe the things I say, and will continue to tell myself, because if I can believe it, I can achieve it.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine