Working on detachment, my anxiety, and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Painter, I keep meaning to buy Blu-Kote (gentian violet), but I keep forgetting it when I go shopping! I've been kicking myself all week for forgetting. I've been in 3 stores that should have had it. Darn it.

I only have hens, but one (or more) keeps pulling the feathers above the low-pecking order girls' tails. A couple are looking pretty silly and sad. I had wrapped that in my group I'd get at least one rooster, but no such luck. I still want one. He'd keep an eye on the girls when they free-range, and he'd keep them together better. As it is, they scatter in all directions as soon as I let them out, and then I worry about them more.

I was also hoping for chicks the natural way. One of my buff orpingtons was broody a couple weeks ago - to the point of sitting on an EMPTY nest all day long. I had to install her in a broody breaker to get her to cool it. I did like her little scolding churring sounds every time I got near her, though. It made me laugh.

So I'm doing OK at GALing, as long as it pertains to chickens! AS for the rest of the day... work in progress.

[Phoebe]

"I had hoped" for a rooster, not wrapped. Silly autocorrect strikes again!

[Sotto]

The hiking sounds like a good plan. This is a prime time to pursue those things that tug at you and will stretch and stimulate you.

We have the Ramblers Association here in the UK. Do you have something similar? Also, we have many long distance paths and I always liked the idea of walking one of these. Might something like that be enjoyable? Or a walking holiday with a group? Have a think about what you want to do and start planning.

You may want to start small and comfortable (walking group?) and often once you're settled in, one thing naturally leads to another - ie: that group plans a walking trip and you go.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do & I'll be right here cheering you on! Xx

[SH_]

Good morning Phoebe.

I hope it was a more restful night for you. I agree that getting with a group to start your hikes can be a great way to stay out of your head. I am a pretty private person generally, but I have made connections since my sitch went down. The social contact, the genuine concern from folks that I barely knew, and the opportunity to just talk with others has really helped me. I plan to continue to expand this as the social connections were long overdue in my life.

I believe it can help you as well.

I have to admit that I have dropped the ball on our meditation challenge as this week was so busy. Not really a valid excuse, but it is a wake up call to get some things back in order for me. I must move forward, break old habits create new opportunities and see what I have been missing in life as I fell into a routine with WAW that led us here.

I love hearing about your land and chickens and all of that. I so want to move to a place like that. I grew up in places with lots of outdoor opportunities. I really must get out of the big city. That and I want cooler weather. It is so warm here going outside is not the most comfortable.

Sending you big hugs, pencil smiles, and a prayer that you have a most wonderful day.

[Phoebe]

I did sleep really well, even if I only managed to get to bed bed at 2:30 am. I got to reading a long thread here, and time kind of slipped away. With a little Benadryl assistance I got a full night's rest, meaning I slept pretty darn late. Oh well.

So, SadHub. We need to get ourselves back on the meditation train. I challenge you to do it today!! At least twice. I'll do the same.

It's funny to hear you and others say that you want to move out of the city, whereas my H couldn't wait to go there. He rejected life in a place that I find so beautiful and that he claimed to care for, too. Now he tells me that he only did it for me, that he was never happy here, etc.. Deflecting blame and doing the old revisionist history thing again.

My Mom asked me today if I had heard from him. Really nothing in weeks now. I don't even know how long ago I met him in the half-way city. I'm probably trying to block the memory. It feels like forever. Or just yesterday.

I really know I need to build social connections. There are no truly local MeetUps, as my area is not exactly a bustling metropolis. Put it this way: The next village has a population of a few hundred, and I live outside of that. I drive 40 minutes to see my therapist, 25 minutes to get to a Wal-Mart, 45 minutes to my dentist or my doctor, 35 minutes to my Weight Watchers meetings, 35 minutes to my BAN meeting, 2 hours to my grief counselor, etc... Most of the hiking Meetups require me to drive about 3 hours each way, because we're kind of in a flat land sort of area. The nature walking Meetups are more like 40-60 minutes away, whereas I can walk and enjoy nature right outside my door.

Yes, my H has it right that there are certain advantages to city life. He was able to immediately fill his life with lots of other people once he decided he wanted to do so. Add in the social lubricant of lots of alcohol and club drugs and he got himself a whole new circle of people. For myself... well, it takes more deliberate effort.

Despite the distances, I still like where I am. It's home. It just makes expanding my social circle kind of challenging.

[Painter]

I really know I need to build social connections.
...
The nature walking Meetups are more like 40-60 minutes away, whereas I can walk and enjoy nature right outside my door.

You're going there to enjoy people... Remember? Go!

I love the country and the city, but I prefer to live in a city and visit the country. Small city near the country is the ideal combination.

[Phoebe]

I know, Painter, I know. It just always seems silly to drive an hour for a nature walk.

Driving for a hike is different.

I'm definitely a rural person. Put me in the country, with a couple small cities nearby, and that's about perfect. I can go out for anything I need, and then I get to return home to a place that nourishes my soul. I been listening to a mourning dove, red-wing blackbirds, grackles, a song sparrow, a robin, and barn swallows while I've been typing. I like that.

I've been outside working on projects for a few hours now, and needed a bit of food and a bit of a break. Thought I'd check in with an update. I feel like I am steadily making things better around here, even if it is a long, slow process. I don't mean to imply that the place is completely wrecked, because it surely is not. All told, maybe 1.5 acres of the 120+ is messed up, and even within that space it's just patches that are rough, not the whole area. Building sites, for instance.

I've been spending quality time with my animals, so that's good, too. I know, I'm supposed to be with PEOPLE, but it's been raining for days and will again tomorrow. Today, however, is gorgeous. I'm feeling good, and I'm rolling with it.

Hope everyone is having a lovely day!

[Cherry]

Your country retreat sounds amazing. I too live in the city and miss the country.

I love grl's idea of the jar- great idea to put all those bad memories some place and let go.

I think if you can join some group and go camping/hiking would be great. The meeting of new people and adventure would do you the absolute world of good I'm sure.

You're an inspiration! Keep on keeping on!

[JksD]

Phoebe, your h sounds like my xh. Xh could never stay in the house. He had to be out and about. It's as if there's so much going on inside of him that he's trying to escape that he has to keep distracting himself.

I think your H can't stand being in the country for the same reason. There's little to distract him from the turmoil or emptiness that he feels inside.

I like what you said in bluwave's thread about how the WWS project onto us their weaknesses and insecurities. Xh said that I made him feel inferior, when I tried my darnest to always include him in decision-making. The irony is that he hated decision-making.

And it's really true that the AP only mirrors back when they think our (x)S want to see and hear. These AP can really be master manipulators.

I think it's lovely to be able to work with nature and animals the way you do. And I like that you are aware of the need to reach out to people.

The sleep issue is icky. But there came a point when you will be so worn out once the adrenaline wears out that you will finally be able to sleep.

[SH_]

Phoebe,

It is amazing what a good nights rest can do isn't it?

I will meditate 2 times today for sure.

So I wanted to throw this at you. I want you to be creative in coming up with a way to make some social connections. You are driving quite a distance for many things related to health and mental health. Now you need to find a way to do it for the social connections. Sure you can walk in nature right outside your home, but you do that alone. Drive the 30 minutes for the nature walk with people. Because it is to do it with people.

This is paramount right now to speed up your healing process. Trust me. I am an introvert that has always thought that I preferred to be alone with my thoughts. These past several months have shown me otherwise. I believe stepping out with others is helping me. To chat about my sitch. To chat about other things so I don't think about my sitch. And in time, so I may make meaningful connections. It is outside my comfort zone, but being creative is helping me do it.

Social connections are a big key to leading a more fulfilling life. Sometimes many of us lose sight of this in our MR and I think that is why it hurts so much when the BD happens. We don't want to be alone, and the WAS is what we perceive as the only person to keep us from being alone. But it is a big world out there. Many people just waiting to get to know us and care for us.

I am challenging you to come up with a plan for making social connections at least once a week that are related to GAL activities.