Some words were missing from you initial post, but I hope it said that W moved into the guest br? Do not make the path smooth for her by moving out of the br or house. My H tried to pull that stunt (moved my stuff into guest br while I was gone) and I told him he'd better have it turned around before I got back. He even tried to present it as having 'made it up so nice for me'!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
A couple of weeks ago we agreed to an in home separation, so I moved in to the guest bedroom. The other day I brought up moving back into master bedroom and really working on our marriage. She said she wanted to get advice from MC first. That was Wednesday and the text message I saw was yesterday. I started rereading DB again last night. It put me in the mindset I needed to be in again and slowed down the emotional rollercoaster. She got back in this morning at 10am from a night shift and just told me about how busy her night was. I just listened and interjected lightly. I told her thanks for facetiming with the little guy last night. Our son asked me last night why I was always sleeping in this room now. I said, "momma has been snoring a lot" but I wanted him to feel comfortable about it as well so I asked he to facetime. She joked about both of us snoring so that was why and he said ok. Anyways this morning I just thanked her for that and she said I blamed her for snoring and like it was her fault. I just said that was my intention and walked off On the way to work I found an Englsih Bulldog in the road and no one was stopping. So I stopped and picked him and brought him back to the house. Felt bad for having to wake her up after her all night shift. But I just couldn't just leave the dog in the road
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Need some Mothers Day opinions! I had already bought a couple mothers day gifts a couple weeks ago. One from me and one from my son. The one from son is a really nice picture book that I had Shutterfly do. Majority of the picutres of pics of just him or just him and her. Very few are pics of us as family. It just came in yesterday and on the back of the book is a picture of the 3 of us and it says "family is forever" Im thinking I still give her this gift as its intended be a gift from out son. I also bought her a nice pair of weight lifting shoes that I was going to give her from me. We have still been working out together so as of now I plan on still giving them to her tomorrow. Is that the right move? I bought a couple of cards. One from son and one from me. The one from me is just a general mothers day card telling her that she is a good mom. Nothing wordy. Just getting thoughts on situation as it relates to tomorrow Thanks
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I emailed Virginia about setting up a few sessions with DB coach. This is something I didn't do last time Anyone with experience doing this? I just feel like I need to make sure I'm in the right place and doing the things I need to be doing at the moment
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Well I went ahead and gave her the cards and the gifts that I had already bought. I didn't make a big deal about it. The card I got her wasn't a "I love you card" more like to thank you for being a good mom and that you've done a great job raising our son. I watched her read it and think she took it off guard and was expecting something else. After that I just took out the shoes I bought her and said Happy Mother's Day. Not wrapped or anything. Very non chalant I also just made some pillsbury cinnamon rolls Normally on a day like this I would have made eggs Benedict, which is her favorite Last night I told son to remember we need to be up to go to church. W said y'all gonna make me feel guilty for not going So this morning I never brought it up. I just it ready, got him ready and never asked if she wanted to go I've notice the last couple of nights she has left the bedroom door open Not sure why, but this was something I had brought up when I thought an A might be going on I've really enjoyed just doing me again. I'm cordial, but not following her around And I feel great not bringing up R talk Happy Mother's Day today to all you Mothers out there!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
A couple of weeks ago we agreed to an in home separation, so I moved in to the guest bedroom.
I'm confused... you also wanted to separate? Because that's what it sounds like when you say 'you agreed'.
Sometimes we agree to things to make ourselves feel more in control of a situation (like 'You're fired!' 'I quit!), but if you don't *want* to separate and you don't *want* to sleep in separate bedrooms, you basically allowed her kick you out and that's not going to get her respect or bring her back. You're making it easy for her. Why should you move out if she's the one who wants to separate in-house?
Same with the gifts etc. for Mother's Day. Please be conscious that you can not 'nice' anyone back.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
At the time a couple weeks ago I was frustrated as well. So I said I was ok with that while we figured it out. Since then I realized that I want to fight for my marriage unless there was someone else involved. I had got to the point where I snooped and find out there isn't anyone else. At that point I basically said I wanted to move back in bedroom and we need to work on out marriages. Well Friday I saw text to her friend where she said she was miserable and didn't want to me in marriage anymore. She said she doesn't think she has loved me since the last time to her friend and said she is scared to leave or stay. And that she feels shitty not giving me another chance She said she wanted to get advice from MC on Wednesday. So I've been waiting to see what happens there I haven't pushed the bedroom thing as I figured she would see more of the same behavior. One of her biggest problems is that I'm controlling. I figured saying I'm moving back to bedroom and she can move out would come across hat way So I thought it would be best to wait to till Wednesday If she says Wednesday that she is done then I will stay in guest room to end if month until son is done with school year. At that point I will do LRT to the best that I can. One of the problems was that her biggest complaint lately is that I don't do my part around the house and I'm not supportive that she want to be a full time paramedic. Well she starts paramedic school Wednesday May 18th So how would it look if I don't help take him to school, etc All the things that I wasn't doing This is where I get confused myself?
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
You need to take care of your son. And if that means taking him to school, then you should. Dont make your kid suffer because of what she is doing. You can wait till you MC session on Wednesday if you think that is best but you can stick up for yourself without being controlling. (Warning, 2x4 coming). You need to be a man. Grow a pair and move back into the MRB. No woman wants to be married to a pushover. She's the one that wants to move out so why should be out of the MBR? Detach, 180 and GAL. Show her just how awesome you are even if she isn't a part of your life. She will see what she is missing. Dont be a doormat; its not attractive. A real man can be a leader for his family without being a control freak. Learn how to be that man.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
