mel, I am so sorry that he has decided to leave so quickly, but I'm not surprised since Mother's Day is considered a celebrated holiday and they do love to drop bombs before or on special days. Living in a hotel isn't cheap and he's going to have to purchase meals, laundry expenses, etc. So, I don't buy the living in a hotel until he's in a good place financially.
Both of you will need to sit down and tell the kids that he's moving out. Sotto is on the right track and saying something like "children, your father has decided to move out at this time". If he says that you are taking a break from the marriage, it allows people to think that you are in agreement w/the separation. You don't need to go into a lot of details about why he's leaving...but if the children ask, then he needs to explain right then and there the whys. Don't make this an easy for him.
Many of them get h@ll bent on moving out and nothing you say or do will change their minds. In his own way, he was hoping you'd tell him to go and he would come off looking like the guy his wife put out on the street. Obviously, he had been thinking about this move for quite some time and his plans finally came together just a wee bit. BTW, my xh did the same thing and only stayed in a hotel room for one night and then begged for space at the homes of co-workers until he got a place. It's not uncommon for them to pull a stunt like this.
Yes, it is unbelievable how they will leave good marriages for someone that they've known for such a short time. The "lust" gets them and that feeling of "being in love" just takes them over the brink w/promises of understanding them, i.e., stroking their egos. However, in time the lust shine will dull and the routine will become the same old same old and then they will begin to see the flaws in each other. But, that all takes time.
As for going to dinner for Mother's Day, I'm w/Sotto on that one. If he walks, then he certainly wouldn't be participating in this particular holiday celebration. He lost the right for a family night out when he walked. You and your children go out and have a nice dinner and enjoy the meaning of the day. Leave him to swing in the wind.
Please make sure your bank accounts are in a good place, if you have a joint account, now is the time to get your own account. Keep a close eye on the credit cards. He's going to spend money because he thinks he's entitled to his freedom and fun.
BTW, don't apologize for coming here to vent...it's a safe place and that's what the forum is for. Stay strong and don't allow him to see you sweat today. If he moves out, then so be it...but don't get into a heated argument w/him. Leave him to his packing and go about your own business in your home.
I'll be thinking of you today and praying that things settle down.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
