1) Set boundaries. That IS DBing. That includes setting a schedule, setting personal boundaries, and (since HE left the house)making sure he asks permission to enter the house. He should not come and go as he pleases. That is not healthy for you or your children. If your boundaries cannot be accepted, there needs to be consequences. Change the locks. If support is withheld, pursue a legal agreement. Check into legal means to back up your boundaries.
2) Focus on you. Also DBing. What are YOU comfortable with? What decreases YOUR stress in this situation? This is not a time to worry about what he thinks or what he will do in response to your actions. This is about you. What do you want?
3) You can do these things cheerfully, firmly, and calmly. Show your strength through your quiet resolve. If he defends his actions or protests yours, validate his feelings; but tell him, "this is what I need to feel secure about this situation". Don't worry about him. This is for you.
4)Don't make speeches, fight about it, or allow his behavior to affect your behavior. Validate and let things flow like water off of a duck's back.
DBing is actually simple in theory. Validate feelings without always agreeing with him. Remain calm (or "Don't Panic!"), cheerful and upbeat IN HIS PRESENCE. Don't pressure or pursue. Don't believe anything they say and 50% of what they do (easy to do if you are focused on you, not them).Focus on you and your needs. Set boundaries. GAL (again, focus on you, not him). Live in the present, not the past...be mindful of the future but not fearful of what hasn't happened yet. All of this will help you detach.
You know all of this.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
