Blindsided and Lost

[Nate14]

Feeling discouraged right now. It seems like we are 2 bodies living in the same house, but since we work opposite schedules. I'm with the kids while she works and Vice versa. It feels like she has no desire to reach out to me. So i'm not sure if what I'm doing is making any impact on her, although I know the work is for me, and it does help. During my time at work, when she is watching the kids. I go out and GAL. I go work out, go to the bookstore, go for lunch. I have a small network of people i can lean on during this rough time for emotional support.

All I see her do lately is talk with her parents, or the OM on the phone. I check the redial and its always either number. I've heard the conversations occasionally while she is on the phone discussing how she can buy me out of the house. I feel like I'm waiting on deathrow for my day to come. I am enjoying the kids, but the other day. I was watching them play on the trampoline in the backyard and nearly had a breakdown, it triggered me. I realized I won't get to enjoy my backyard and kids anymore. I wish I could express to WW how aweful she has been. Although I know she really could give 2 shits.

Even the smallest comments I make or decisions I have made about the kids etc. she seems to have that snark or snide look to her, like I'm a [censored] idiot. Why do I hold out hope, somedays I don't really know. I know there is no magic bullet, its been 2 months so far and I don't see any change in her at all. I'm hoping to see some shift in her before I do have to physically seperate. Not sure how long I have till then. I will keep enjoying the time with the kids and GALing. As far as what changes I can make that I can improve on, as far as who I was and what my mistakes I made in my marriage.

I was gaming and on my phone all the time. She felt I was detached from the family. She said she felt it was her and the Kids and then there was me. I really have been putting more time in with the kids and I haven't turned anything electronic on in 2 months. Mind you she has been texting non stop since, I assume with the OM. It's like we reversed roles since D day.

She said she felt neglected and I asked her to name 5 things that made her unhappy cause she never ever specified in the past. She said lack of passion, intimacy, love. I mean these things shes talking about obviously is where her head is at with OM. I told her passion fades, intimacy is an area where we have both dropped the ball, and I told her that I've always loved her. (this was a conversation that happened back when I was still begging and pleading, don't worry this kinda talk has stopped since.)

I think she may be one of the ones thats just gonna walk and never look back. Not sure how to engage her, except for kids and finances.