Trust me, I get it. I think some men give up on the idea of relationships (or never believed in them to begin with) and just settle for using women, acting and saying whatever they need to in order to get with them. Then when things progress to where it could impact their free bird lifestyle they bow out. I think it's important to be aware of this and protect yourself from being used or emotionally entangled with someone like this. From this lens it isn't male bashing, it's player bashing, and I'm all for it. And it mirrors men's fear that a woman will provide lavish and fulfilling sex until the ring is locked around his finger and then do an unwanted 180. In this case instead of being abandoned he is trapped.
I like the examples you gave of how committed relationships can work. I think we all can use more positive anecdotes.
My grandparents were like this. They had their pain points, and fought at times. My grandmother would get incredibly angry at my grandfather once in a while, just go on a rampage. And he would act in some patriarchal ways that would be looked at as oppressive nowadays. But they stayed together, loved each other, and cared for each other through it all.
That's what I had hoped for in my life, and I think we're on the same page there.
I do think that's unusual these days. I feel that there is a social revolution and everyone has been steering a different direction. Gender roles are all confused as there is a fine line between equality between genders and allowances that they may have different strengths, preferences, and needs. As a nation we're trying to understand what equality can look like if we could eliminate the social indoctrination of gender roles. Yet if there are differences it's hard to know what's nature vs. nurture, and if the goal is to stamp out differences then there is a point at which it may cause harm. I mean, picture a world in which no one needed anyone, we were all neutered at birth and given surgeries to have no physical genitals, and children were born through genetic labs and incubators. I know this is Orwellian, but sometimes it seems this is our trajectory. But while this isn't going to happen, the point is there's such a lot of confusion about how two people are supposed to fit together, and higher expectations about the quality of how it's supposed to look in the end.
Not saying it's impossible. I know some 'traditionalists' that have long lasting marriages. I'm looking for other models that work, those that shun the traditionalist model haven't shown me one that works any better. It sounds good on paper, but that comes from people filing divorces and talking about the theory of how marriages should work. If there's one thing I've learned from DB it is that the world works how it works, not the way we want. If it did none of us would be here.
Anyway, before I go even further off track I'll put a sock in it. Have a good day J!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
