For now, and without more information, I would say you went to extremes in both directions. When you were trying to be the perfect H, you come on to fast & heavy. I'm guessing she felt smothered. Then you got frustrated and cut everything out. So, I could see why she might have a difficult time adjusting.
The part about her wanting to drink with her H and embarrassing you in front of others.......well, someone else will have to help you there. Does she only drink "socially", or does she drink at home, too? Maybe she is angry b/c it puts more light on her own drinking issues when you aren't playing the role of the drunk.
Besides her saying she wants to separate, have you noticed any strange behavior in your wife? Something that would cause you to wonder if she was communicating privately with another man? I am not trying to plant bad things into your brain, just trying to get down to meat.
Does she seem to find something to fight about? Does she guard her phone and does it stick to her like glue? Is she on the computer excessively? Is she gone for long period of unexplained time? Don't accuse or confront her. Maybe she has always done these things and you were not present to notice.
What are some ways she shows disrespect toward you?
Have either of you ever received counseling?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
