Welcome aboard. I hope you will stick with us and post often.
I have several questions, and I really hope you will answer them. It will give me a clearer picture.
Quote: My wife has always been extremely insecure about me straying and in the beginning of our relationship I have here good cause with flirty behavior and porn addiction. Could you say this another way? I'm not sure I understand the last part of the sentence Have you given your W reason to feel she has an insecure relationship? -- yes I was addicted to porn and would sometimes flirt with other women. We were always unstable from the beginning.
Quote: She has had enough and told me the first time a year ago that she wanted to separate
How many times has she told you she wanted to separate? When you say she's had enough.............enough of what? -- Many times after that, but none before that. It came as a shock at the time. She is tired of me getting flirty with other women, using harsh words, talking bad about her, just being disrespectful in general while drunk. This is why I stopped drinking. All of this bad behavior lately has been when I am drunk and out of control.
Quote: Since then it has been a horrible cycle of me trying my best to be her "perfect husband", her pushing me away, me getting frustrated at her not accepting these positive changes and getting drunk...repeating mistakes, and rounding it out with her pushing me away even further.
Funny thing, I don't know that I have ever read a man's idea of the "perfect husband" matching the woman's idea of one. What exactly were you doing at the time she would push you away? -- I would be loving physically, hugs and back rubs and holding her at night. Doing lots around the house to help out. Spending more time with her. All the things she said she wanted in an R. But then you add the drunken weekends and you get a very confused W. She would be very cold and tell me it was too much affection for her.
Quote: When I stopped drinking for the past month, this seemed to make her even more angry and distant, and she has left out marital bed just a week ago.
Did she actually say that she wanted you drunk, or is this your interpretation of something else she said? -- She said I was being too extreme. She said she want to be able to drink with her husband. She would try to embarrass me in front of our friends by making comments about me not drinking. Almost calling me weak...like peer pressure.
Quote: I have backed off, stopped texting, stopped affection, stopped catering to her every grip, and stopped saying I love you and being sweet in general. This definitely got some negative attention from her
I'm sure it did!
Quote: Up until she had said she wanted to separate, I wasn't really a present husband.
How many times had she said it before you became a present H?
-- after the first time she said it I went into a deep depression. When I woke up and decided to make my life better, I was making positive changes in the way I treated her while sober. But I was a jerk when drunk. What are the ages of you and W, and how long together? What are the kids ages?
--I'm 37, W 33, 15 years married, kids are 13,8,5 The more you can tell us about the marital history, the more help I think you will receive.
--We were not emotionally mature enough to get married when we did. Neither of us really had a good idea about how Rs should be. We fought constantly in the beginning then we just kind of avoided fights instead of dealing. She would try to talk to me but I would get defensive and avoid her.
Last couple of questions. Have either of you ever been in an inappropriate relationship since getting married? Either of you been previously married? --No previous marriages. We both were involved with inappropriate sensual/sexual behavior with another couple. That was a turning point for me. I was very depressed but more angry that had happened. This was a few years ago.
