Thanks Gwen, Fogg, M and job (Nice shiny badge ya have there...bout time :D)
So today is a bit slow .. rainy and I decided to pop in here and see what is going on. I know there are some vets about .. along with the ones in the middle of the road ... not sure about any newbies as I really do not get in here much at all these days. I think in part its the fact I am no longer concerned about saving the M ... I am more concerned about continuing saving myself and I think if anyone can learn anything from me it is that ... place the oxygen mask over yourself before trying to do so with your MLC child.
So where am I ... I am seriously in a great place. Work has been busy and good, so good the Top Brass wants to take me to China near the end of the month to scout out some equipment I have been very reluctant about .. but hey, free trip to China for Cali. S has been good, I will say that it appears W has been working hard to repair the damage caused over the past few years .. OM has not been around S once since this latest split up and for that I am thankful as S is not so bummed out when he goes with her ... he is still very excited to hang with dad. We have been doing quite a few things together out of the house, just boy stuff and I am thinking of a few more. Have a trip scheduled in July to go back home for the 4th ... road trip and camping along the way it will be awesomesauce.
The nights I do not have him I have been really busy... my GAL activities still active, football and softball, taking the Harley out alot more with the weather being amazing... also seeing someone. Funny how MLC can follow you ... she has a friend who was abandoned with 2 kids by her husband, he lost his father and about a year later he split and got an apartment and now has a23 year old living with him (Shocker right?) .... I pretended to show surprise and shook my head but I could pretty much fill in the rest without hearing much. Anyways ... this girl is nice and we are just doing dinners and a movie here and there, out of my comfort zone and slowly rebuilding myself.
As far as STBX ... yes .. that's what she is now as I never gave her that title here before... she seems happy, have not seen much of her to be honest, when I do, sometimes she looks stressed but usually she really looks ok, she continues to delay the Mediation meetings, it doesnt really bother me it will happen when it happens and is not going to change my day to day routine. She has tested me here n there but I do not take any more bait nor feel an urge to... I am done pray she does come out for Ss sake ... aswell as her own one day. I do have some strange dreams about her off and on ... usually of her hitting bottom and crying, whats that mean?... I have no clue but I figure its my brain attempting to heal itself after being so consumed with this mess for so long, and now all the sudden I have found this really serious peace.
The peace has come from going through all this. Knowing deep down I needed this to become the man I was always meant to be, I did all I could to save my M, I am good with it .. did the work and now its time for me to move on. I still pray for her to find the peace I have currently found, its a great place and things just seem to be falling into place one by one and I accept them for what they are.
Just rambling on here ... looking back over my sitch I sometimes wish I would have read certain things earlier .. accepted things earlier but I know it would not have happened as it all did .. I am exactly where I am supposed to be and will continue to go along my path of self improvement. I feel for those just starting as I recall how absorbed I was in every little move the MLCrs made thinking I could crack the code ... problem was I was trying to open the wrong door, it was always my own door I needed to figure out.
