W still at home, how to proceed?

[sandi2]

Welcome aboard. I hope you will stick with us and post often.

I have several questions, and I really hope you will answer them. It will give me a clearer picture.

My wife has always been extremely insecure about me straying and in the beginning of our relationship I have here good cause with flirty behavior and porn addiction.

Could you say this another way? I'm not sure I understand the last part of the sentence.

Have you given your W reason to feel she has an insecure relationship?

She has had enough and told me the first time a year ago that she wanted to separate

How many times has she told you she wanted to separate? When you say she's had enough.............enough of what?

Since then it has been a horrible cycle of me trying my best to be her "perfect husband", her pushing me away, me getting frustrated at her not accepting these positive changes and getting drunk...repeating mistakes, and rounding it out with her pushing me away even further.

Funny thing, I don't know that I have ever read a man's idea of the "perfect husband" matching the woman's idea of one. What exactly were you doing at the time she would push you away?

When I stopped drinking for the past month, this seemed to make her even more angry and distant, and she has left out marital bed just a week ago.

Did she actually say that she wanted you drunk, or is this your interpretation of something else she said?

I have backed off, stopped texting, stopped affection, stopped catering to her every grip, and stopped saying I love you and being sweet in general. This definitely got some negative attention from her

I'm sure it did!

Up until she had said she wanted to separate, I wasn't really a present husband.

How many times had she said it before you became a present H?

What are the ages of you and W, and how long together? What are the kids ages?

The more you can tell us about the marital history, the more help I think you will receive.

Last couple of questions. Have either of you ever been in an inappropriate relationship since getting married? Either of you been previously married?

Hope to hear from you soon.