New Couple, Same Old Story 2

[tjcran]

Ralph,

I'm finally caught up on your thread. So many similarities! Our W's must be kindred souls. They are so much alike. I had to chuckle when I saw that you started the 5x5 workout plan - I started it this week, too! Maybe that workout could be the "Official workout of DB!"

Keep posting. It is inspiring to see how you are able to negotiate through this. My sitch is a little more fresh than yours and I'm using your journey as a guide for me.

[Ralph88]

Chapter 10 speaks about and ultimatum letter. I think I am ready to send that message today. Do I have support from you all or should I just let her wonder through her life and get deeper into her A?

[J5K]

Ralph,

What do you want? This is your decision and your life. The choice needs to be made by you.

Would you be able to continue if your W gets deeper into her A?

[Ralph88]

I would be able to continue, but will probably become more wayward myself. Her actions have spilled over from hurting me to hurting the Ds and that is what is getting me today. W and I haven't spoken on phone for a month at least, and only small interactions through text and some child events. The child events are mostly ending now. I don't see our interactions being very common in the future. We. See each other at church, she occasionally sends R texts out of the blue, I tend to not respond or validate. She spends a lot of time with OM, working out daily at work, and on weekends.

In a perfect sit I would let it run its course until failure and then see. I think she will do whatever to make this OM work though.

I don't need to send the message, I can do it through actions as we really aren't communicating, and I'm not initiating. I'm way better with my life and GAL now a days. And she never sees any of it so it is surely for me. I'll keep it in my mind. No need to make any decisions right now. Thanks for the support.

[Ralph88]

And I don't think I want her back the way she is nor force her hand, it might only be a bandaid fix. No message.. Just reading.

[PsySara]

I agree with JimKao, unless you want her as-is I would let it burn out. I gotta say, you've been really good at taking care of yourself and your daughters. You're a great dad.

[Ralph88]

I do think that over the last 5 years, my WW has been in three EA/PAs, now looking back at signs. The first one I never really saw until the most current when she was ranting she mentioned a name and said he would have done anything for her. Then the second I found. This one I confronted and here I am.

Hmm.. What am doing as a man to even be here on this site? Why am I trying and putting effort towards this person? Why haven't I completely thrown in the towel?

[Ralph88]

Busy day today.. Soccer with D5, then immediately to dance with D4. Then hopefully a relaxing day of playground and maybe pool time. Thinking of taking the Ds out to dinner somewhere.

[SH_]

Ralph88,

Only you know the answers to your questions. I say, keep reflecting on them and you will know the answers and it can help you know without a doubt the path you will follow.

Sounds like you have a great day planned for the lil angels of yours. Enjoy the time with them, and give lots of daddy hugs.

[Ralph88]

I was trying to think of somethings to work on that may have been some issues in my M. I was thinking of the 3 or 4 months before the BD and what my W may have been complaining about. I realize that she basically cut me down and complained about everything I did. There was no rhyme or reason at the time, but I think her WWness was building and she was basically telling herself that everything I did was things she didn't like. I remember trying to work on myself, but felt that I was chasing my tail at every turn. Huh.. I was even apologizing for things and trying to validate her then, but it didn't work, and I didn't understand why. Boy was a stupid guy.

Could the OM have been in the picture already as a fantasy or a reality?