During our marriage we never really gave each other gifts. Since mothers day is this weekend, should I do something completely against the grain and get her a small something? Or would that be one of those "grasping at straws/too little too late" things? Or should I get her some flowers and a card and get D to sign it?
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
During our marriage we never really gave each other gifts. Since mothers day is this weekend, should I do something completely against the grain and get her a small something? Or would that be one of those "grasping at straws/too little too late" things? Or should I get her some flowers and a card and get D to sign it?
Your daughter is 12. Ask her what she wants to do and help her.
Your Wife isnt your Mother. Getting her any of that stuff from you is definitely pursuit.
Typically flowers and a card from your D is what is suggested.
She wants her space from you so I would be cautious about giving gifts to someone that does not want you at this time. May sound harsh but your W needs time.
I gave my WW jewelry for V day and she did not even wear them. One month later she is out with OM on a weekend trip to Florida.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I'm in agreement with the others. You assist your D with the gift she wants to give her mother. As much as it hurts - your W doesn't want any reminders of you right now.
Concentrate on your role as a father. Be the best dad you can. Your D needs strong loving parents now, more than ever. You can only control you, so be the dad that she deserves.
Good advise across the board. my 2 cents, support the kids, but don't nag them to do this for their mom, etc. A hands off approach would be best. That's what I'm doing this year. I made the mistake of giving simple V day gifts to my W. I left a gift bags on the table for her, D20 and the two dogs. The W ate the chocolates, did not open the card and did not say thanks etc.
So be a back up to the kids - but don't encourage, etc.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Well, we made it through Mothers day. We went to her mom's house and her family was there. All people I love dearly. Her family doesn't know anything that's going on. It was hard, because the whole time I was thinking "what if this is it?" Her cousin and his wife said they couldn't wait til Christmas when we get together to go buy a tree. I was thinking to myself, "wellllllll..."
One thing I did screw up on though. Tonight we were in the kitchen and got talking about a picture and how good it looks in the kitchen. I told her it was good for me, bad for her. She said she can make it look good in her kitchen too (referring to when she moves out). I said, you're right, it does look good in YOUR kitchen (since our kitchen in our house is hers). She made a comment, saying, "here we go..." I asked what she meant and she just said, I meant, here we go. She never would tell me what she meant. I admit though, I probably did beat the dead horse by asking her to explain to me what she meant the number of times I did. I just wanted her to know that no matter where she goes, this house, this kitchen, everything will always be ours. Maybe it was wrong of me to assume she would feel the same way...
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
You feel like you screwed up. Figure out what you should do next time and then move on.
Also, take some time to think of 2 or 3 things you did well. I'm always recalling my mistakes and rarely to I think about my victories. It isn't healthy for me. I need to give myself more credit. Maybe you do too.
Her official move out date is the 24th. Here in NC that officially starts the countdown clock to 1 year before you can file for D. Obviously I don't want to get to that point. So the way I figure it is, I've got 15 days to not screw up.
So how should I handle the next two weeks? I know, no relationship talk, no planning ahead, no expectations of any sort. When she moves out, I'm going to have to help her get her internet and all that set up. I handle all that currently and she's pretty inept when it comes to that. So for the first few days there will have to be some interaction (not looking forward to it though). It's going to be hard leaving my W at her place while I go to our home and sleep in our bed alone.
Keep in mind though, that up until this point there's no assumption of an A. I don't think there has been and I don't think that's why she's doing this. I think she has just given up the will to fight for our M because of my spoiled, immature nature at first and then my emotional absence during the latter of our marriage. So wouldn't going dark further emphasize her point in that I don't care? I don't think that would be the correct approach. My point is to draw her closer not push her away. I want to hang out with her, go on dates (we never really dated during our M), enjoy each others company and work on our communication with each other.
After I get through the next couple weeks and once she moves out, what would be the correct way to get to the point to ask my wife out on a date?
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
