Hi Phoebe, I'm sorry you had a rough morning. If it helps at all, I can remember having some terrible starts to days and by the end of the day I felt calm and centred. Sometimes just releasing some energy and grief helps settle you again.
What you are going through is the road to recovery. So having meltdowns like these - whilst difficult - do help move us forward I think. In time, they will grow less frequent and less intense and at some point you will rarely grieve because you have moved so far forward.
It can feel hard to see this when you are in the middle of everything - but you only have to look around at others on the forum to know that you will be in a similar place when more time has passed. Do try not to mind read about your H. Who knows how happy he is feeling with OP. He may (or may not) be wracked with guilt. May or may not be starting to feel trapped with OP. May still be feeling elated. It takes a while for the impact of poor choices to seep through, but in time for most situations it does.
Take care - feel the sun on your face and potter in your yard, have some gentle company and enjoy your animals - this too shall pass xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
