the road goes ever on and on...

[Painter]

Great to hear from you, Zues137! I just realized that I have moved in next door to you.

Sounds like you are doing great, and I bet you can't wait to get settled in your new home and have more time with the kids.

I think your theory about modern marriages sounds very probable. It requires us to know ourselves better and be able to voice our feelings in a thoughtful manner. I don't think that's necessarily a step back. I also think it's a good thing that people don't have to stay in relationships for financial reasons, because that was a very vulnerable situation for women.

On the part about divorce and financial settlements, think of it this way: Two partners own a company together, 50/50. One of them is out visiting clients and getting contracts all day. The other manages the office, answers the phone, orders whatever is needed to fulfill the contracts, etc. So one is bringing in money, the other is spending. They're still equal owners.

The 'office' partner decides to leave and wants out. There would be a financial settlement that includes real estate and other assets, maybe future income from current contracts, etc.. You wouldn't expect that person to leave without being bought out? Because it wasn't an *employee*, it was an equal partner. It doesn't make a difference that that partner didn't generate the income directly.

Now if a partner does something to the detriment of the 'company', it would be an entirely different situation...

In my case, I'm not getting alimony until I can support myself. I'm getting a settlement because a contract agreement was dissolved. It's not about me being my own provider, I was for 15+ years until I left my job and career opportunities to help H raise his children. So no, he doesn't get to kick me out without compensating me. I invested years in our 'family company' and made it possible for him to have a job without losing his children to his crazy ex. And take care of his aging mother. And there were no assets, so alimony is all I got. I have to save it all to make up for having no retirement, no home, nothing at all.

Do I think a partner who has an affair and leaves a M should receive alimony? Probably not. And by law in the state I resided in until recently, he/she wouldn't. Adultery is a misdemeanor, so that to me would equal - oh, embezzling from the family company or something like that.