LBS back--piecing--but still regret not DB

[Phoebe]

A woman at my meeting said something really interesting to me last night. She said that when our spouses look at us they see a mirror showing them their own flaws and misdeeds. They don't want to see that about themselves.

Their reaction is to project those flaws onto you/find a way to deflect blame for their actions. So, for instance, my H has had self-esteem issues so he accuses me of making him feel inferior. The worse they feel about themselves, the worse the anger directed back at you.

(The rest was about what they see when they look at an AP: their best self, because that is all they have chosen to show the new person. Doesn't apply to your sitch SadHub, but you get the idea.)

Anyway, it seemed to jive with what I've heard from my H.

Just food for thought.