Whether meant or no, somethings once said cannot be unsaid.
V
You are right, V! I'm not proud of the hurtful things I have said. And whatever the reason is, does not make it okay to say things out of hurt or anger. That is why I am here, because I think I could have done a much better job focusing on myself, so that I was stronger when H came back. I was more focused on winning him back, which I see a lot of folks doing here.
So we have been piecing over a year, while trying to work on ourselves simultanesously. It's not easy. Part of the reason that H checked out, had the A, and got stuck in the fog is because he was an extreme people pleaser. He adopted the role of Mr Nice Guy (there is a great book on this FYI), awesome dad, hard worker, and family man. He did not hold masculine stereotypes and prided himself on that. With that he lost himself and his own needs and interests.
I adored him, as did all women that met him. "He is so great! I wish my H was more like that!" What I failed to realize is that he was silently suffering and had growing resentment towards me. He felt that he did everything for me and the family and was worn out.
He now realizes that it was his responsibility to share in decision making, to communicate his needs and wants, and to stand up to me. He has done a lot of self work and he gets it now. It's still hard though. Because all of this work feels like the opposite of piecing--they come into direct conflict daily! So I'll be honest, with my hurt and resentment over what he did, sometimes no more mr nice guy gets on my nerves!
Enough about that though! I have to remember my kindergarten rules sometimes. Because no one really wants a doormat for a H do they? Not anymore I don't!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
