You are coming across as being control. Let her do whatever she wants. If she wants to "wing" it, then so be it. Let her. If she screws up by what she tells your kids, then that is on her and your kids will know it. You focus on you and what you do.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
