I've been reading the forums for the past couple of weeks, and am in the process of reading Divorce Remedy, although finding it difficult to do with the kids and WW around.
Here's my situation, found out about my wife's EA one morning while she was in the shower. I had suspected something was going on for about a week and found a series of texts from OM that went way beyond flirting and just being friends. I confronted my wife briefly that morning and we talked pretty extensively for the next couple of nights. I'm doing my best to try and dettach, but admit it's been difficult.
We started the process of building our dream house back in October, and she met the OM in January. We are currently living in an apartment while waiting for the house to be finished, which should be in another 3 months or so. Most of our money is tied up in the house, so we have to see that through, and unfortunately don't have resources to move out. We're trying to keep this from our kids for the time being as well, so we're still sleeping in the same bed, and still "acting" as if everything is okay around them.
WW has indicated that she knows she needs to end things with the OM, but continues to let him in a few days after having those moments of clarity. For example, she went out with him this past Saturday, and let me know ahead of time what she was doing. the next day she indicated that it wasn't as fun and exciting as she was hoping for and that she needed to end the relationship with the OM. She did pull away from him for the next 3 days, and really cut back on the texting and phone calls with him, and was not as shut off from me. I thought maybe a sign of progress. Unfortunately yesterday he convinced her to give him money to help pay a bill he had do and that seems to have opened the door with him again, and she's returned to the way things have been.
I know from what I've read here that I should not believe anything I hear and only 50% of what I see, and that I should have been prepared for this regression, but it's hitting me harder than I was prepared for.
I'm doing my best to GAL, going to work out in the evenings, going to church, getting together with friends after work, etc. I think I've had issues with dettaching as I've realized I'm holding on to tight to the hope that we might be able to rebuild the R.
I appreciate all of the support you have all shown on the board, and any advice you might be able to offer. I'm trying to put my best face forward every day, dressing better for work, doing the same in the eventings and weekends, trying to be more engaged with our kids, and all of that. I know it's going to take time and I need a lot of patience. It's only been a month so far, and we've got a long ways to go. I'm really trying to hold on until we get into the new house to see if that can be a unifier for the relationship, as she may realize more than ever what she might be giving up if she doesn't stop the EA (which has started to turn more physical).
Thanks again for your support and words of wisdom! ____________________ M: 44 W: 44 5 kids Married: 20 Suspected 3/30 Confirmed 4/5
