My first post - please be nice.

[bigybiz]

Collin: I hear you on the strategy & tactics confusion. You need to address the right here and now plus the long term. Yes and sometimes the short term and long term conflict.

The best advice I got from my DB coach was that I need to show her consistent and permanent changes. I think that means we have to introduce the new Collin and "say baby this is what your getting and where I'm going you can like it or leave it".

you/me/we need to decide what that guy is going to be like and stick to it. Obviously as you try new things some will work and some won't. Some DB coaches, form moderators, form participants will agree some won't.

Part of it will be changes you want to make to meet her needs in the long term. She will resist all of the changes and will throw up road blocks, test and bait you. That is where strength and the detachment is needed. When things go wrong you need to not let it bug you. Yes, its hard and I know we all struggle with that.

You can't turn on and off friendship. So maybe just introduce it slowly and/or pick certain times, topics, etc.