WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[SH_]

Dang it, this morning I am feeling sadness and anxiety again. I slept okay, still waking every couple of hours, but I think I went back to sleep relatively quickly each time, until the 3 am wake up. Then the anxiety was rolling over me again. I took an anti anxiety med as it was rolling pretty hard.

Now I am feeling groggy as I need to wake up and get ready for work.
And the anxiety is still rolling. Why does the mind do this? Why do I feel so without control of what it is doing? I have long had my issues with trying to keep the mind focused on positivity and now it just seems to wander on it's own.

Dang it. I need some peace, I know that I can not control anything but myself, but these days I am starting to wonder if I can do that. Nights and early mornings are starting to become a time I dread. They used to be my time of peace and positive self reflection. Grrrr.....

I have dreams of better things, but I am stuck here with my confidence waning, a desire to help my d's, and a lonliness that is painful.

I have to get myself together. Why can't I hold it together for longer than a day or so?

I am thankful for....many things. The emotional pain this morning is clouding my thoughts. The waves of anxiety are at a tropical storm level right now.

I must pray for peace. Please grant me calm and clear thoughts of hope this morning .

I am thankful for...I need to be thankful right now, but my sense of loss, guilt and grief are overwhelming this morning. Why do my intentions not come out in my actions. How did I hurt my W so deep when my intentions were that of love.
I feel very overwhelmed right now.

I feel a bit bipolar reading my posts. A good day, a bad one,a good one......

I am going to dig deep as I must have a smile and an appearance of confidence as I greet my D17 this morning. She needs her fathers strength.

May you each have a good day.