Waw, she is in love, need advice/support II

[Bear007]

It has been some time since I started DB and now with second thread...

Continuing from this thread:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2670509&page=1


... and this weekend was strange, I was tired and obviously not thinking straight, so Saturday she came on after midnight, snuggled into bed, fell asleep, and around 4 in the morning woke me up and we had sex.

After everything she was super pleased with herself, improved morality, but then again she said that she will leave me and she cannot live with me.

So yes, I managed to screw up.
My plan for recovery to DB: don't know yet, how to return from this to detachment?

[DDJ]

Just start again. Today is another day. You can't change the past, yes even yesterday, but there's no better time than today.

At least you worked off some stress too :-)

[Bear007]

Ha ha, your comment made my day, thanks... I worked out some stress from both of us.

Also, not so unimportant, I got some feedback on areas to work on in after-talk, so I got that going for me.

[sandi2]

Here are two pages to study. Just two pages, but it could change your life and save your MR, if you follow what it says.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

[Bear007]

Thanks, I have read through whole of it, and sometimes through the text it seemed to me that I detached from some behaviors long time ago, and that is the thing that started this whole process in my wife.

Since there is no point in keeping things half done - I will follow on some detachment areas that I have failed so far.

[Bear007]

A tough decision in whole process.

My cousin is having a wedding next month, 250 km away, so it is a 3 hour car trip.

And my wife does not want to go.

That is ok, I will go, but then - I want to go with child, and she does not allow it since 'it is too stressful' and 'too far'.

Her suggestion is just to meet with him (he lives near) and give him wedding gift, and not to attend the wedding.

She definitely has problem with my relatives - since we are together she has not attended a single funeral (there were 5 - all of my grand-x, and one uncle)
Also she has not attended any of my relatives weddings (there were 3)
She has attended 1 out of 2 weddings of my friends, this one that she attended I was best man, and she knew them very well.

I have attended all of her friends &relatives funerals & weddings except one funeral that she did not want me to go.

It is easy to detach from my wife, she has her life, and she does not want to go - so what... but I want my child to go with me, and there is no reasoning with my WW.

[Bear007]

Weekend was rainy, and I did lots of work around the apartment cleaning children's room which was absolute mess since no one was in charge of that.

Lots of fights and snarky remarks whenever I encountered my wife, in kitchen, or in living room.

I came to conclusion that wife or any other family member needs to go out to work/school, and to think of home/family as safe harbor. If SO is all the time at home and starts to think of home as 'my place', than everybody else (children, spouse) is just an intruder.
This is just my opinion, anybody else have similar experience?

[Bear007]

We had a talk yesterday (about upcoming wedding), so to recap, I want to go with child, she does not want to go, and does not let me to go with child.
At the end I am not going, since I would be going alone.

Am I wrong for letting this one go, and not to get into fight over something that is important to me, but not so important in the grand scheme of things?

[sandi2]

Why do you have no say in what your child does?

[DDJ]

In terms of your safe-harbour idea, its about being the light-house for your family and anyone that you choose to be in your circle.

You are just doing what you always did - nothing. Letting your WW tell you where you can go, where you can't go. Sandi said it best, once a H gives his balls to his W, then he cannot get them back. He needs to grow a new pair.

So if you really want to go, then go alone. Face the loneliness. If she is willing to let your D go with you, then that's also ok.

You need to do what makes you happy.