Lots of waves. Most of them are the good catchable kind, but my inexperience makes me fear them almost as much as the bad kind. I am still looking for validation in all of the decisions I make in regards to each wave. I still need an instructor to advise, guide me into the wave, and provide feedback when I get to shore. I am hearing that I am doing well. I am still self-critical. Standing on shore after a wave has carried, wondering if I am still standing. And when I realize I am ok, I start to feel the thrill of the wave I just rode.
I am learning to take care. To not get caught up in the fear. To allow myself to act, but don't cross over into reacting. To open my mouth when I need to, but remembering to close it before things go too far. I am replaying things, thinking of things I wish I said and wish I did. But I am realizing that I am much better off wishing I said more, than regretting that I said too much.
I am learning. Progress is happening and it is scary because it is change, but that doesn't mean it is bad or wrong. It just means I need to trust that I can handle it, because I have already handled a lot of things I never thought I could. And I still have the support I need when my confidence gets shaken. The sharks are losing their power over me. The waves are mine to ride. Now I just need to believe that I have this!
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
