Scotch, work on detachment more. As in not constantly trying to evaluate if your plan of action is "working". Your plan of action is ultimately to make YOU an amazing person not control your wife.
THIS!!!! I know its so hard not to try and figure out what is going on in her head but the truth is, you can't. Nothing that is going on in her head makes any sense right now. She's lost and you can't help her find her way. Let her go. Work on you. Be awesome. You've got to take your focus off of her and put on you and you alone. THIS is what will make a difference. You can't do anything to make her come around before she is ready. What you can do is be ready when she does. Be the LIGHTHOUSE. I can guarantee you W will notice the changes but she has to be ready to see them. I was at dinner with my W tonight and she AGAIN told me that she saw my changes all along. They made her angry. She was PISSED that I was becoming a better person (and was certainly behaving better than she was). It wasn't until she decided to drop the blame and anger that she could begin to appreciate all the work I had done. SHE has to make that decision. You have no power over getting her to that place. She's got to make that decision on her own. So instead of thinking about what she is doing or thinking, work on YOU. Be ready to BLOW her away if/when she does come out of the fog.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
