Unsure of the next step

[Fin]

The last two days were tough days, a step back IMO.

First off, I decided to not only not move back to CA for work, but start a new career. This is something that has been in the back of my mind for awhile but now I am going to do it. I am going to coding bootcamp to learn to be a developer. I have self taught myself a lot and now want to make it a career. My job paid the bills and my bosses have been wonderful through all of this, but I feel so stale doing sales and think it contributed to some of my marriage woes, and I feel like taking the promotion to CA would lock me in more. My father, who I have grown so much closer to through all of this offered to pay the tuition and my bills for the 4 months of the program. The downside is I will probably not be able to work so much from the home office like I did with this job, so I will probably only be able to ask for my daughter on weekends, which should work out ok though since my W says she is going to go to nursing school and wait tables on the weekend.

Now onto my failures and steps back.

W came down on Tuesday to drop off D2, she noticed the changes I had made around the home, stuff I know I should have done months ago, also noticed my full calendar as part of my GAL, felt good she noticed and commented on that as well as my improved appearance and wardrobe. I asked her if she was going back right away and she told me that she was hanging out with SIL and then watching her niece while SIL worked. My first thoughts were she was going to be seeing the OM. I asked if she and my niece wanted to come over as I was planning on grilling for dinner, she at first said maybe, then when I text her later she said that probably wouldn't be a good idea (I know I shouldn't have asked to begin with). I then did something incredibly stupid, after dinner, instead of being the responsible father and giving my daughter a bath and putting her to sleep, I drove 10 minutes to my SIL house to see if her car was there, I did this a couple of weeks ago and she wasn't there but was at a hotel with OM. This time I drove by and her car was there, I felt like such an idiot because for one she was there, and for two even if she wasn't there what was I going to do?

Today W came over to pickup her desk to take it back to her parents in WI. As I was unplugging the computer and taking stuff off and out of the drawers I found the birthday card she had written to me this past Sept., only 3 weeks before our wedding and she said how much she loved and adored me and she couldn't believe how lucky she was to get to spend the rest of her life as a family with me and our D. It hit me like a ton of bricks, how did this happen, how do you go from that to telling OM she was madly in love with him only 2 months later and completely over the M 4 months later?

As I was helping W bring the desk to her car I asked her about the card, how all this could have happened so fast. She replied with her now generic response of "Wanting more out of a relationship" as to why she wants to divorce me. I asked her if she is still planning to file after 90 days residency in WI and she said that, no she was going to honor my request to wait until Sept 25th our anniversary. I don't know what that means in the big picture, perhaps it's just throwing me a bone, perhaps it's waiting to make it not seem as weird to friends and family, I don't know.

I just wish I had answers.

If the relationship was so bad why did she come back to try the first time in March, why did she tell me how happy she was that she made that decision, only to do a complete 180?

Is time and space just BS?
How long does it take to stay in a fog?