Over the past few weeks, I've been exactly where you are; I'm uncertain that I'd even want reconciliation, even if I could. It's the approach-avoidance thing; I still love my wife, but at the same time I don't want her because it would be too painful to go through this whole thing again.
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I have read that you should treat reconciliation as entirely new relationship. So maybe that's the approach to take; see if the love grows sometime in the future. Right now, even though I love my wife, I'm not even thinking about reconciliation because I've been pummeled and beaten-down so badly, that I'd probably consider marrying Mike Tyson before I'd take my wife back. That sentiment may well change the next time the wind blows, or if Mike Tyson actually shows up at my doorstep.
