Working on detachment, my anxiety, and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

I'll skip the summary this time, but each of the last threads has a summary, and all the links are on the first post of my older thread.

Older thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2672335#Post2672335

So, I'm still here. No surprises there, and I don't expect to be going anywhere anytime soon.
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This was my last post, just to give this new thread a little something to start with:

Hey Painter. I'm sure there are plenty of things that I could be doing. I just have to get out and DO them. Tonight is my first BAN meeting, so that's something. I still have a lot of trepidation about it, because I have no idea what to expect.

I'm really disappointed about the DivorceCare availability locally. Yesterday morning I searched the website for a group nearby (I've been looking every few days), and a new group within 50 miles finally showed up. It was supposed to start on 6/26, and I got all excited! Yeah - a new social thing I could do that was geared toward others like me. I didn't note which church it was at, only the city, because, who'd think I needed that info right away when it starts in June? Well..... I reloaded the page to see if there were any more options, and the 6/26 series was GONE!!! Huh? Now the next one that's starting isn't until September, in a different city and church. well, bummer.

A couple nights ago I signed up as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity because that kind of work is right up my alley. I was getting excited to put some of my skills to work for a good cause, but there are no builds scheduled in the area in the next few months. All registered, and nowhere to swing a hammer. I have plenty of such things I could be doing on my own place, but that's not exactly the social experience I was looking for.

So, still working on the GAL thing. Hands shaking like mad this morning, reminding me how ridiculous I would be trying to wield tools of my real trade. Fine motor skills are an issue, even writing. Grrrr. I had hoped the beta-blockers would help, but the one day I seemed better after increasing the dose must have been a coincidence.

I was feeling a bit sad again this morning, but I just let myself feel it and it passed in about half an hour. That technique is definitely helping me. I still need to work on my grief homework, as I see my counselor on Friday. The only one I hurt if I slack off is myself.

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Since I wrote that I went out and did some walking and some birdwatching. I was by myself, but I love being outside and the birds are in breeding mode, so they're all showing off. Birding this time of year is great because the leaves still aren't out yet.

Hoping the meeting tonight is OK, and that everyone is having a positive kind of day.