isn't it completely missing the point if i move on attempt to forge a life without my wife?
Your W is only calling you selfish so that you will focus on her instead. She wants out of the marriage. She wants to divorce you. Why do you think that by turning into an over-attentive, super-husband that does nothing but chase after her will change her mind?
When you were in high school, did you ever have someone you don't like pine for you? send you love notes, ask you out, etc? How did you/do you think you would have reacted to that?
What I'd urge you to do is take a look at yourself and consider whether you really are selfish. If so, there are plenty of ways to be unselfish that don't relate to her. Give time to a local charity, spend more time with D, volunteer at D's school, help other friends/relatives when they are in need. You can change yourself without centering it on her.
