I'm glad to see you're looking at yourself and seeing how you've contributed to your marriage. I know it's not easy or fun to do. I don't think you've been "in the fog" for 16 years, but that you've had poor boundaries (pointing out pretty girls, talking about 3-somes, etc). Now that you've brought this to your attention, what are you going to do with this information to make yourself a better partner?
I don't think you should tell your wife about this until you're in the reconciliation phase. She hasn't shown any actions or changes on her end. Regardless of what happens with you 2, you have already improved yourself by looking at your faults and now hopefully working to strengthen your boundaries for the future.
