This stuff really works! I had already been doing some self help including a 180 on the alcohol usage and GAL before I heard the term here...but Michelle's relationship seesaw and detachment ideas have really made a huge difference in my W. This plus validating has brought her one small step out of her resentment fog. Last night she had another small melt down, which triggered her to say a few things about me being happier with someone else. My response was much different than what she is used to. I said if I did find someone else to be happy with, it still wouldn't be the same as me and you. She was speechless. Later that night I was doing my thing and I get a text from her saying we need to talk more about that comment. I came out and told her to meet me in another room, neutral ground. She very humbly asked me if I had found someone else already. This usually would have come in the form of aggressive accusations, followed by getting cut off when trying to say anything about it, but this was different. I told her no, and that I wasn't looking for someone else. She expressed feelings open and honestly and I validated better than ever. She started to give me compliments about me being a good guy and deserving to be happy with someone else. Hmm. I asked if she thought she should not be happy, and she said she didn't think she would ever be happy. Then she went on to apologize for specific things she had done in the past! I did my best to keep it cool, because I was shocked. I had not gotten a heartfelt apology for at least 2 years for anything. Inside I was thinking that was big! I told her I know that took a lot for you to say, thank you. But I had already forgiven you long ago. She was stunned. The talk went on for a while, I made it about her because she is in really bad emotional shape. So I talked about her getting help possibly with a therapist, but she doesn't want to. So I told her she can come to me anytime she wants to talk and I'll listen and hear her. She said ok and gave me a hug, but it still seemed a little forced. Later that night I heard her crying in the bathroom. I went in and just comforted her. She started to open up again, it was amazing. She talked about insecurities and her fears so openly and I responded/validated well. She asked questions that sounded like she is really to make small steps back into our R. We agreed that we will take it slow and try to make something different and new. I told her I don't want the same unhealthy R that for us to this point, she agreed. We stayed up way too late talking and neither of us wanted to end it. But eventually we went to bed. She's not in the MBR, but it seems like she will be soon enough. Slow and steady is good! She also said she still wants to have time to herself and I agreed that I wanted my time too. In our old R she was extremely clingy, so this was nice to hear. She seems to be making progress on herself too! So it's going well. I did say I love you at the end of the night out if habit, without getting one back. It made me feel dumb, but that's ok. I'll try to save those for a long while. I woke up and I felt strange. Almost like it was a dream and it went too well to have been real. I honestly didn't think this would ever happen, so I'm a little bit confused. Kind of like, wow what now? So I'm not expecting anything right now, either way. It's a new day and I'll roll with whatever comes.
