LandC, I can tell you are very passionate about this, doing lot's of reading, and identifying your unhealthy and co-dependent patterns. But that is just the first step of many! And as several of us here know, this is a very loooonnnngggg process and it involves a tremendous amount of time and patience.
I see that everything you are doing is to win H back. While that may or may not work, it is not the point that we are all trying to make. DB is about taking focus off of H and putting that energy into you. You make it very clear you have A LOT of work to do on yourself--self love, self growth, new job, independence, not being a people pleaser, maybe focus on other Rs in your life, and the hardest of all ... wait for it ... coming to terms with the fact that you can have your own life with or WITHOUT this man! There is no way any of us can do that in a few weeks or even a few months.
This is really hard stuff! So as Lim is asking, what are you doing to GAL, 180, and not only to show H? Have you started to imagine what your life could be like without him? And I don't mean with his friendship or him living right next door, I mean you and YOU on your own.
Sorry for the tough love. I see you have a lot of energy and you are trying so, so hard! But there is also a level of acceptance and grief, that cannot be glossed over. You don't want to win back H right now. You want someone that loves you and values you for YOU. But that cannot truly happen until you can start to do that for yourself. And that can only happen as your slowly change your mindset and patterns over time.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
