Started to think my wife is having an affair?

[cbtdad]

My W and I have been doing an in home separation for a couple of weeks. We were separated back in 2013 for 6 months but reconciled. D day for me was 12/12/12 back then. I had my suspicions at that time that something was going on. I find that out to be true for sure in Feb of 2013. She had first slept with the guy a couple weeks before she asked for divorce according to her. But I also know they had been texting for 3 or 4 months before that and she admitted to sexting, etc during that time
We were completely distant before the separation the last time. I was a terrible father, wasn't providing, was verbally abusive. I take partial blame to leaving my wife vunerable to an affair the first time around. Although she still pulled the trigger.
Fast forward to this time around. There are some thing that just feel similar to me. 2 weeks ago she wanted to separate and "reboot" things. She said she just feels like she couldn't fight for it anymore. We agreed to continue seeing a marriage counselor for the next 8 weeks while doing an in home separation. We are actually getting along great, communicating better, etc
But I still go to my bedroom and she goes to her. There is no "romantic relationship" which she said she didn't want right now. She started as an EMT last year and is going to paramedical school to be a full time paramedic in couple of weeks. She was upset that I was not supportive and that I wanted her to stay at home. She said she didn't think she could make me happy anymore with the things I wanted. Like having another child, stay at home wife, etc
Couple these things with my continued criticizing and verbal jabs and here we are.
One of the things I have struggled with since the last time around is trust. Being able to fully trust her. It comes up and periods like me wanting to see her phone or checking phone bill. All the usual snooping that I should be doing.
But now because of how it went last time I cant get the thought out of my head that she is already seeing someone, texting, sexting, or whatever.
The signs I'm noticing like last time are a little different. And I don't know if she is doing just because she wants her privacy or what. I'm wondering if I'm reading too much into things because of last time.
But she is holding her phone close to her. Won't let me see it anymore. Always seems to turn it upside down when I'm around. When I was in the bedroom we never closed the bedroom door. Now she closes it every night. She hasn't worn her wedding ring in over a month.
At this point Im working on me. We are still seeing MC and I start IC next week. I really want to get a hold of these verbal abuse and criticizing issues regardless if M works out or not.
But infidelity is something I will not tolerate this time around. I will be done with the marriage 100 percent.
Problem is I don't know how to really bring this up with her, without her getting mad for not trusting her, etc
But at the same time the unknown is what is killing me more than anything. I want to work on our marriage, but I'm ready to let it go as well if what Im worried about is true. I also know that typically whats the point of bringing it up. It seems she is not going to tell the truth if its happening anyways. So what am I to expect
Just looking for some guidance from the board.