Getting out of in house S (9)

[vise82]

Hey I was doing good all day, W messages me in the morning about oil change, then another later in the day about soccer for kids, then at the end of the day she texted me about taking kids to grocery shopping and dinner, then emails me the same.

My heart sank I was doing good forgetting about her then all of that. I have not responded

[otw]

Wow. A little controlling?! Has she always been that way? Is there a reason she needs to remind you of everything or just her?

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

I don't get it she was away for a weekend with our kids and with all her family presenting like a single mom. We had little to no contact. I was at home grieving the loss of the MR. She did not know that though. Then we are back in the same house, I have a S agreement to sign anyday and she is asking me if I want her to buy me an oil change groupon? Ok the soccer one was important as it was info on when that was starting, but then she asks me to go with her and the kids grocery shopping and out for dinner.

I am thinking make up your mind do you want me around or not.
I wanted to say forget it but I only have less then a month of this in house S.

Then we get back home and kids want to go for a walk with dog, I ask W she is on the phone with a girl friend that is D but her ex is single again and is showing interest in her again. This is the friend that pushed W to drop me as fast as she could. You know friends that are D like to have company.

Anyway W doesn't want to go with us, she says she has stuff to do in the house.

I go and have the best time with the kids with out her.

We get back and nothing was done in the house, dishes were not done, stuff was not put away and she was talking on the phone still to the same friend. We were gone for an hour.

I don't get it. She is all over the place.

[otw]

You won't get it. They are on the verge of insane. Think about it. A person you knew so long then just flipped to someone else. Then they show signs of the old person. Multiple personality disorder?

I think the wife is asking you to do things for two reasons. She is trying to put on a show for the kids. If you decline she looks like the good guy by asking

The other I think is that she is stringing you along. She still wants you to want her even though she may not want a relationship.

Don't know if she is doing that on purpose but I do believe she still wants your attention.

If you can remember this over the next few weeks and just do the things if you want but know the reasons are really not worth obsessing you will do a lot better

Take care

[vise82]

Hey,

W signed the S agreement yesterday, maybe that explains it all?

[RAI]

I think you are trying to make too much sense of irrational behavior. Stop looking for patterns. The groupon thing is temp checking. Like OTW said: she will instinctively try to keep you engaged as a plan B even while she is rejecting you completely.
You survived the weekend. Good on ya!!!
You will survive the separation too.

RAI

[vise82]

Hey RAI,

I did survive, I think the visit to my friend helped out a lot. I feel a lot stronger making it through the weekend.

It continues as W messages me if we want to pick up happy meals because its a special day at that restaurant. I reply that takes care of dinner, then I asked if she signed the S agreement.

She replies back she did and her lawyer sent it to my lawyer so if I can get in today that will be it, done. Then she asks what burger do I want for dinner.

So that is what I am dealing with. W says she to be separated and let me get dinner for you and we can have dinner together with the kids.


In what world is this normal???

[vise82]

Hey

Had a conversation with my Lawyer and it was pointed out that what W as saying about spousal support and waiving it was a lie. With out getting into specifics, the way W presented it to me in the beginning was a lie, That she was doing me a favor by not going for it was a lie because the calculation came up to zero. She waived a zero payment but made it sound like she was doing good for me.

I have to sign the S agreement today. Part of me wants to have some sort of discussion with wife about it like it will be good to finally have the document completed and we can see how it goes. But that is R talk. Need to avoid it.

Also had the idea of telling her that I will not tolerate being in a MR while being lied to and that I am going to divorce her. But that Is all emotion talking, not going to do that.

There is a month till she can go for D and I was thinking I could beat her to it. But that is motivated by getting a reaction from W so I wont do that.

My brother was reaching out to me through my friend. I asked my friend to keep stuff between us, I think he has told my family. This is why I stopped talking to him, he doesn't listen to what I want.

I asked him again to just keep it between him and I. I cant handle that right now.

I feel I failed in the DBing, in as I have not busted this D yet.
DBing has helped me get though it and helped me become a better person, Ill give it that.

Kind of feel like everything is closing in on me, the move is close and there is so much work to do. And even though I am just signing the S agreement now it feels like the end of S not the start.

I am having a hard time keeping hope alive that there is a chance for this to be saved. Reason is I have not heard W say to me where she is with the MR. Its even hard now to even call it a MR. If she still feels with this S she is hoping that her feelings are going to maybe come back. THat this is the best chance I have at saving this.

I Need to sign this agreement today and look ahead at what I need to do for me to get into the new place and separate as much bills and accounts and reasons for W to contact me other then the kids.

The next stage is going to be all about me and the two boys.

[otw]

vise
I think you know the answers to everything you posted about. Just try and stay strong and focu on yourself and kids

[SH_]

Vise,

I know it is a challenge what you are going through and I understand the war in your head between the logic and the emotions. Hang in there friend. And to echo another post in your thread, avoid looking for the patterns and trying to make sense of the behavior. There is no pattern not logic.
Focus on your sons and stay in the moment. There is great energy that you can gain from them and the time with them. And the lessons and love you provide for them will be invaluable.

Hang in there and take great care of yourself. My prayers are with you that you may have strength and peace this day.