Thanks Robbity. For a moment, I thought you were indeed my H "disguising" himself!
I have trouble settling down to sleep bc and taking naps bc I know I'm not in a bad dream and this is actually the reality. I even sometimes pinch myself just to be sure that I'm not sleeping...crazy I know. We do have a lot of similarities and my H cites his leaving for some of the same reasons as you, although I do believe my H is going through some sort of crisis.
Its hard not to have R talk when in person or the rare phone calls. I am just working on being the woman he fell in love with and being a better version of myself in general. Its not all about satisfying his needs at the moment b/c he took that away from me. So this is really all I can do. Part of me feels like he thinks I'll just forget that we're married and the situation will resolve itself and I'll eventually just agree with him. I don't know if he realizes how this kind of thing literally changes a person's make-up. But I also know God IS using this situation to refine and change both of us.
And so, that's where I am right now...hanging off the side of a rollercoaster with both hands as the wind hits my face.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
