HAHA, thanks all, I am not feeling too young...... I think the reason is because I never did what I was supposed to in my 20's and 30's. Divorced in your 20's with a baby ages you a bit. I am an old soul. All I want to do is settle down and have a little security and someone to make dinner with and cuddle on the couch with.
Wii- I actually do appreciate the friend telling me what he did. I know he knows I was really struggling with wondering if he ever cared. This was a validation he knew I was seeking and he gave it to me. Well, I thought it was what I needed, I thought it would make me feel better, but surprisingly I got more hurt when he keeps saying all these words and has had zero action. Love is most certainly an action.
So, I ended up back in the online dating pool by accident. My Iphone 6 broke, and I went back to my iphone4, and I had the POF app on it, and I logged in out of curiosity. It started blowing up with messages. One guy had a great profile. Single father, looking for the same things in an R, lives very close and sent me a normal message that wasn't "hey". However, he kind of has zero personality, over messaging anyways. Maybe he is different in person. We may have a date next week. What struck me was that he said if we did hit it off, since we were on opposite kid weekends, he would switch. I have always switched for everyone else. The weirdest thing for me was to fill out "does not want kids". I changed it from when I set up the account long ago. he asked if it was set in stone. I told him nothing is set in stone, but it is definitely how I feel now.
There was another guy I "matched" with on the tinder-like portion of the app. He is a single dad who is a nurse:) We spoke briefly but he was so tired from a triple shift. But he has personality. The only thing is, I think he lives in PA. AHHHH!
The good news is, I thought I would be frightened and completely turned off by the online dating thing. To my surprise, I felt a little excitement.
My honest to God fear is I will not have a connection like I had with exNG. It was one of a kind. We were insanely comfortable with eachother, yet excited about it, we told eachother everything, no matter what (apparently something he misses a lot) everything was just right in that sense. Our personalities were so much alike and we were so real with eachother. The ability to conduct an adult mutual relationship just isn't there. We would have been perfect together if it wasn't for that. Which is hard to reconcile. Hopefully I will be able to find both again. If you ain't got hope, you ain't got nothing!
I agreed to this one change with ex before the blow up. We are flexible for the most part. It was my fault for saying yes, I forgot about my IC appt. Otherwise, I would have told him no. I am getting so much better at that word. It was funny, him and his sister always said I was a "yes" woman I never said no.It was true, because everytime I did, I would feel the wrath. Now, I don't give a crap anymore.
