Hi lovely, I'm sorry you had a rough day ((((big hug)))) - that's a rough piece of news. And I absolutely agree that there's little chance of R when OM is still 'active.' I certainly feel that within my own sitch too as it just isn't something I would consider.

As for your W, she still seems pretty confused - and clearly she's also finding the finality of ending the M difficult. In some sitches, WAS's seem to be very much in the grip of infatuation with OP and have no interest in the M until that has passed. Your sitch has more of a feel of two wounded birds (W & OM) clinging together in a damaged nest. Who knows exactly what the status of that R is - but I agree that until/unless he is off the scene, rebuilding something together isn't possible.

However, I think for all of us, D then becomes a separate decision. Do we wait it out and see how things go? Let this other R run it's course? Or do we get to a point where we know there is no going back for us and decide to D and move on. There is no right and wrong, only decisions we at some point make for ourselves. I do feel that for a long M with kids together, it is worth digging deeper (than for a shorter M and no kids - but JMHO.) And perhaps you have dug deep enough already?

It may be that if you do nothing, there won't really be anything to end the 'limbo' either. Where would be the momentum to give your W a forward shove - as someone mentioned above.

Just from what I recall earlier though - does it not have to be 5 years S in order to file for D where you are??

Again, just musings from me - and I would also encourage you not to make big decisions right on the back of receiving difficult news - let things settle first.

I shall be around for a glass of wine (after 8pm) if you want some online company RD.

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus